The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘halloween’

Last Minute Halloween Costumes

Oh no, Halloween is two days away and you’ve got nothing (or if you’re in college you have your fourth Halloween party coming up on Thursday – ugh I’m so sick of Halloween by now you guys, seriously another party?, fine whatever – and you can’t wear something you’ve already worn).

Fret not, I am here to help you.

First off, feel free to check out a past guide (which obviously became internet sensation):

 

Now for this year’s guide:

Last Minute Halloween Costumes

  • Be a Dick Tracy villain (one that I made up just now): Waffle Maker

    Other classic Dick Tracy villains (see, my idea is not so far fetched huh?)

    • His line whenever he offs someone he was paid to “quiet”?
      • “Prepare to meet your Maker …”
    • He then leaves behind a Waffle.
    • What should you wear?
      • Try something dressy and nice (so you look good), and carry around a waffle maker.
    • Want to go the extra mile?
      • Bring a waffle or two to whatever party you’re going to.

 

  • Be Venice Beach for Halloween!
    • Talk with a bad Italian accent
    • Be incredibly rude to everyone
    • Get it? Venice Beach.

 

  • Be a white basketball player!
    • Get one of those “Fun Dip” candy things
    • Whenever someone asks you what you are take the Fun Dip stick and try but continuously fail to get the stick in the sugar packet
    • It’s fairly obvious at this point that you “can’t dunk” so they should be able to connect the dots
    • Want to go the extra mile?
      • Wear workout clothes and carry a basketball (for anyone who isn’t so quick on the uptake like you and I)

 

  • Be a social grave digger!
    • Wear dark clothes
    • Carry a shovel
    • Say really awful or awkward or insulting things to people and then try to talk your way out of it unsuccessfully
    • Note: This costume may come more naturally for some people

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Du Jour of the Week

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My Zombie Roomy (11/1/12)

I’ll admit, I stereotyped. I feel bad having done it (but only because it turned out I was wrong).

On Wednesday I didn’t see the Zombie at all. Tuesday he was gone by the time I came home from work. Today? Still no sign of him. But I did see a little pumpkin thing. You know, one of those little plastic pumpkins kids get to hold their candy when they trick-or-treat.

Here is a slow-motion capture of the thoughts that raced through my mind.

“The heck? Why is … Oh it’s the Zombie’s … Oh God it’s probably got human parts in it … Oh man it’s probably a kids hands … Oh no oh no oh no …”

The last one I thought over and over as I slowly approached it. Mental pictures of this weird, gross scene I had imagined kept repeating in my mind. I don’t know why, but I kept picturing a kids hands in the bucket.

I reached the bucket and … instead it was candy. Regular old candy, like any kid would have after a night of trick-or-treating. I hate to admit it, but I was a little disappointed.

My dear, dear Zombie roommate did not have the crazy Halloween I expected him to have. I really expected some morbid sense of humor kind of thing. A little kids trick-or-treat bucket filled with zombie-snacks. How funny would that be in a dear-God-what’s-happened-to-my-sense-of-right-and-wrong-oh-wait-I-have-distanced-myself-from-reality sort of way? I’ll tell you – it would be very funny.

But nope. Just candy.

Of course, I still won’t eat it. My stereotype that the Zombie is secretly playing morbid Halloween jokes remains intact (but shh, I’m admitting this only in a rare moment of clarity known as drinking and blogging). My assumption (hope? what’s happening to me?) is that under those loving exteriors of my favorite candy bars (tiny Crunch bars, a regular sized Twix, some Peanut Butter Cups, M&Ms!, …) … are tiny, chopped up bits of people.

Is that weird that I think that?

My parents are coming in to town tomorrow so I told the Zombie to get lost for a while. He stinks up the place something awful, and I don’t want my parents to have to deal with it. The time apart could be good for my apparently skewed moral compass.

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My Zombie Roomy

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My Zombie Roomy (10/30/12)

“Trick or treaaaaaat!”

CHOMP!

Tomorrow is going to be a big day for the Zombie. Careful when you open your door, you may be opening a buffet unknowingly.

No, I’m just kidding. I’m pretty sure the Zombie is a total ham (for example, see last year here or here) and loves to go around during Halloween ‘season’ and hear people say, “oh duuuude! That is an AWESOME costume!” Although if people get close, I would imagine they would then quickly add, in their head, “wow, you’re dedicated. You really do stink like death.”

To, in a sense, pre-treat this situation … I’ve been having the Zombie drink some of my laundry detergent. He’s Springtime Fresh … to death. Ah ha ha. So funny.

From the Zombie and I, happy Halloween!

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My Zombie Roomy

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