The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

Weather Safety

Many of you know the phrase, “When thunder roars, go indoors.” For those of you who don’t know the phrase, it is meant to be easily remembered and remind you to be safe when a thunderstorm is heading your way.

What you may not know is that the NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) in combination with a conference for TV meteorologists were so inspired by the success of “When thunder roars, go indoors” that they came up with a new list of phrases to remind people that it is definitely better to be safe than sorry when it comes to the powerful forces of nature.

 

If you see a tornado, you’d better a-go-go.

You don’t have carte blanche when there could be an avalanche.

If you notice hail, local dealerships will soon have a sale.

Don’t be insane, respect the hurricane.

Is that lightning? That sh** is frightening.

 

Are you safer now having read these informative quips? As any number of important government officials at NOAA would say, ‘Don’t be a dip, let me know what you think of the quip.’

Attn: Ellen (8/20/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Waking up today for the first time as a 30-year old! I thought “AHHHHH!,” then, “there’s no real difference” then I took a bite of cereal as a 30-year old! and thought “AHHHHH!,” then, “don’t be silly really I’m one day older,” then when I grabbed my keys to go to work I resolved myself because I knew I’d be hearing cheesy jokes about being an old man all day.

And by resolved myself I mean I debated calling in sick.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Gaining Wisdom with Age

Soon I will be 30. THIRTY! Pretty crazy, eh past self?

You bet, hoss.

I remember way back when, using a bathroom and making silly faces in the mirror while I washed my hands, and then trying to transition quickly to a ‘thinking really hard’ face when someone else walks in the bathroom, and then starting to laugh to myself because I totally tricked that dude who just walked in the bathroom and oh no now I’m laughing out loud and then ANOTHER person comes in the bathroom and … Well, I’m just glad that’s in the past. I’ll be 30 soon!

That happened earlier today.

Yeah but it won’t happen when I’m THIRTY and an adult!

Eh. We’ll see.

Past self – how come you seem smarter than me?

Sorry. Tell me more things that’ll change with you being thirty.

Well, I think I’ll start subscribing to the local paper.

Oh cool, big papier-mâché project in mind?

No, to be informed! To read the news and … know stuff.

Oh yeah, hey, past self from when you turned 25 you should join this conversation.

Hey fellas, what’s up?!

Current self thinks he’s going to subscribe to the paper to be well informed and have opinions on the community and such.

Oh yeah, opinions on the community! Good one! Also maybe check out a garage sale or estate sale to pick up some weird local stuff.

Oh cool! I’m going to do the same any day now!

… Hey … Wait … 25 year old self … You’re also about to start reading the paper and …

Yeah most definitely!

Dang it generic past self, you’re an a-hole. Are you trying to show me that I haven’t mentally evolved at all from the time I was 25 til now?

No, not at all. You have really fast internet now.

I AM EVOLVED!