The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

Monopoly Pieces

I have a Monopoly app on my phone which is great for plane rides. This past time I played I got beat by the computer which was being controlled by AI. Here’s what I noticed, some Monopoly pieces work better than others for beating you.

For example, if I say with anger, “stupid dog!,” that is a phrase that makes sense. “Freaking car!!” also works.

“Gah, stupid wheelbarrow!” … Still works but it doesn’t flow as naturally to me. Maybe if I spent more time with wheelbarrows it would work better.

“Oh COME ON, battle ship!” is certainly something I don’t tend to say. Also, “oh you little a-hole, top hat,” isn’t something I say but maybe if I was a hipster I might have more top hat woes.

Thimble, iron … Other pieces … You guys get the gist.

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Du Jour of the Week

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California Regrets

I am, for the first time, an uncle to a teenager. And I regret to inform you all that I didn’t take advantage of this.

Why didn’t I ask annoying, lame, creepy uncle questions? Why didn’t I try to high five her randomly and then pause to say, “wait, is high fiving still popular? Do kids still do that?I saw kids bumping fists on TV, does that have anything to do with sexting?”

The key to being a creepy, lame, weird uncle is knowing just enough to really get things wrong. You need to know at least enough pop culture to be able to reference things incorrectly.

“Hey I like your hat! Talk about Gangnam Style!”

How could that not have caused a look of pain? WHY didn’t I seize this opportunity!?

It also helps to know some of the latest music, so that you can incorrectly identify whatever is on the radio at some public place like a mall or theme park.

“Woah, I like this Kesha tune! She really knows Trouble am I right? Say did you see the YouTube video with her and the goat? That was funny. Hardly a Teenage Dream if you ask me!”

I urge you, uncles and aunts and parents of the world, be lame. It’s funny.

If you can't tell, I switched her face with a Lego head. Her look conveyed a bit more disgust/amusement ... But I couldn't find a Lego head that conveyed that.

If you can’t tell, I switched her face with a Lego head. Her look conveyed a bit more disgust/amusement … But I couldn’t find a Lego head that conveyed that.

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Du Jour of the Week

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Attn: Ellen (7/31/13)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres Panda

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I feel like if anything ever got #Adorbs trending on Twitter it would be this little creature.

Or if you wore a shirt that said, “My Other Shirt is #Adorbs … But I Left it in the Dryer Because I’m Lazy” … That might work too.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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