Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
It’s pretty well-established that dolphins are awesome, right? So why aren’t there more Valentine’s cards that say stuff like, “You’re cooler than Flipper, wanna get some ice cream?”
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
P.S. Happy Valentine’s!
I followed the Zombie and ended up being discovered spying on him. I was really embarrassed, and actually pretty confident I was going to be ripped to shreds and devoured. (The fear of being eaten was a more pressing concern than the embarrassment … And I actually wondered briefly if blushing made me look more edible … Like some human form of a pig with an apple in its mouth? Is that supposed to make pigs look delicious? I don’t really get it, actually.)
Anywho, the Zombie met up with four buddies in a wooded area behind my apartment. Kudos, also, to them leading me to discover a pretty cool tree fort! Kids around this area really have some ingenuity!
Before I was discovered here’s what I saw:
The Zombie arrived and two of the others were already there. They didn’t really greet each other in any way I could notice. Each of them just stood by a tree. It’s a little clump of trees that is close together. The third was walking up and ran across me. You’d think I would’ve heard the shuffling of a zombie tromping through the woods but this guy was actually really sneaky. Not at all representative of the zombie stereotype.
The guy who stumbled across me grabbed me and I was willingly dragged into the meeting. I made a quick decision to rely on the Zombie’s friendship rather than try to run. It was an analytical, and very scientific process that led me to this decision. Also, that sneaky zombie pantsed me.
That’s right. He pantsed me.
He managed to sneak up on me, pantsed me, and then started walking me forward. My running shorts have an elastic band so it was an easy and very smart play on the part of this zombie. I figured he must be the brains of the operation. If I had bolted I would’ve tripped and given this jock a-hole zombie reason to start feasting on me. Then the Zombie and the other unknown zombie would’ve come up and joined in and before you know it … no more blog, just a twitter account that randomly sends out “#brains?”
The zombie leading me pushed me into the center of the cluster of trees and the fourth zombie was walking up at that point. He looked like he was ready to start his snack time. I realized then that the zombie was a lady, and I had a weird thought flash before my mind – would I rather be eaten by a lady or male zombie? I tucked this away for analysis, potential sexual-crisis ramifications, and self-mockery.
There I was (I had pulled my shorts up thank you) surrounded by five zombies.
Hey, sorry, a friend just texted about ice cream … More later!
Yesterday a good friend of mine (never mind the fact that I haven’t called him in a long time) had his birthday. I thought about this (and didn’t call him) … but I did decide to write about this funny story!
He went to West Point, or the United States Military Academy, and I went to Southern Methodist University, or rich-kid private liberal arts college. He and I probably had very different college experiences.
Before my freshman year of college I attended “Mustang Corral.” It was a couple of days where incoming freshman went off to some place, and we were supposed to bond and befriend each other and such. The group I was assigned to had some good looking, fun, outgoing, happy people – this made me sort of shut down. If I’m uncomfortable and around people who seem very comfortable, it’s time for my inner kid-who-sits-in-the-corner-and-just-daydreams to shine. Real wallflower power.
There are a few funny stories from that camp but that’s for another time.
I got back from the few days and had not managed to make any friends. I had spent the time hanging out with a guy I called Big John (in my head, not to him). He was a big fella from Texas who just didn’t talk. He and I could hang out, not talking, for up to an hour at a time. It was splendid. Thankfully I ended up seeing this guy Big Red (who I had met at some other orientation thing) and I found out he would be living right next door. Other than that, I left the camp worried.
I don’t know anyone here, my family lives super far away, I’m in college and what if I fail? … All this mess is scary.
Then, a phone call. It’s my best buddy from high school!
I answer the phone and he is PUMPED. Super excited and happy. You know why? Because he had finished Beast (the “orientation” cadets go through before their freshman year). And he was walking around in circles, because no one was around to tell him what to do.
He was so excited … About walking in circles …
It may be cruel, but I was really happy at that moment. I realized just how stupid my worries were – of course I was nervous, and of course I didn’t have friends (I didn’t TALK to anyone). After I got off the phone with my buddy I went next door and met Big Red’s roommates (I didn’t care much for any of them – but it was still a good thing to do).
Happy birthday to my friend who has helped me without knowing it more times than one! And … I really should call you sometime.
DumbFunnery 