The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

Where Would You Go?

If you could travel to any one moment in time but only be able to witness and not interact – When would you go?

Humanity has had so many powerful and important moments. The Earth itself has experienced even more powerful moments. Of all of these myriad occasions, how could you pick just one?

Well, I have thought long and hard about this and I have my pick.

The first time a human discovered pineapples are edible.

Look at this thing. Who would be so crazy as to think, oh yeah, I can’t wait to crack that open and eat its innards. pineapple-05It’s like a fruit porcupine! Everything about it is saying, ‘no no, not me, my outsides are painful friend, try a banana for God’s sake, it’s got that handy little carrying case so you can eat it even if your hands are dirty.’

But some human was going along and found one of those. Had something conspired to already crack it open, and the human picked it up, got those delicious pineapple juices on their (probably dirty) hands and the human thought, ‘ew sticky …’ then maybe the (gross) human licked his or her hands and thought ‘HELLOOOOOOO! This! Is! The! TASTIEST!’

And did that human then share the knowledge with others? I’ll be honest, I would probably not be so quick to do that.

Imagine doughnuts falling from trees around you, and you’re the only one who learns they are edible (and delicious). Would you be calling up your pals to have a free doughnut party? Heck no, you’d hoard them and gain a lot of weight and when people say things like, ‘why’d you gain so much weight? And why do you keep cleaning up the stuff that falls from the doughnut tree?’ You’d probably accuse them all of being communists and run away (but not much running, what with all the doughnuts slowing you down).

What if, WHAT IF the first person to discover the tasty insides of an evil-shelled pineapple was one of those rare specimens who doesn’t like pineapples! What a twist, huh? Bet you hadn’t thought about that.

The pineapple’s initial tastiness discovery clearly leads to a lot more questions than answers. It’s a time I think all of us should wish we knew more about.

Attn: Ellen (11/16/16)

Front

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Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

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The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Peaceful looking cabin, right?

But what if I told you a mean old man lived there.

He’s actually got a heart of gold outside that rough exterior?

But he only ever has vanilla ice cream – no sprinkles, or chocolate chips, or ANYTHING.

The ice cream is homemade and the best vanilla ice cream in the world?

But … it’s vanilla. Like, come on, man.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

(Card from: underatreeprints.com)

Why am I doing this?

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Gern’s New Book!

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