The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘roommate’

My Zombie Roomy (10/5/10)

WOW! Mind-blowing realization today about the Zombie, and all zombies, while at work!

I’ll share with you how I came to this thought.

I started thinking the Zombie is pretty asexual. He never talks about any particular girl or guy. No interest in anyone it seems – which I don’t get! The Zombie has a lot going for himself, and I think if he’d just put himself out there … well, never mind all that.

I was thinking about this whole ‘asexual’ thing and then thought, wait let me look up asexual to see that I have it right. And I did, but also there’s ‘asexual reproduction.’ And zombies reproduce by killing … so it’s like, equating it to most other animals, when a zombie kills you they’re having sex with you!

DANG!

Suddenly there are a ton of horror/porn flicks on the market. Sean of the Dead? Porn. 28 Days Later? Porn. That’s right, people, you’re into zombie porn.

Chew on that.

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My Zombie Roomy

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My Zombie Roomy (8/16/10)

Friday is my birthday, but I’ll be heading home to see my family on Thursday night – so the Zombie decided to throw me a birthday celebration today.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a zombie birthday party – but I wouldn’t recommend it. Well, that’s unfair – maybe it’s just my roommate that is really weird. But, apparently, the Zombie thinks the crème de la crème of parties is a 6th grade school dance.

My apartment had six balloons, bad music, and a math teacher (who looked like he was frightened for his life) standing in the corner of my kitchen. As soon as I walked in my apartment I knew it was a 6th grade dance – because I was suddenly very sure I’d never kiss a girl, and I remembered that Miss Whitehead is a big dumb lame-head.

It was incredibly weird. The only good part was when I approached the Zombie to thank him for the party, the math teacher said (out of habit I guess), “balloon-width apart, please.”

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My Zombie Roomy

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My Zombie Roomy (3/12/10)

3/12/10

DANG!

Ok, I guess I’d sort of been in denial about living with a zombie roommate who loves saying my nick … oh my God. My nickname!

DUDE!

***

Ok, I went and took a walk around my apartment complex to calm down a bit.

So, this is so obvious now, but it was still a shock. I mean … anyway …

I got home from work and the zombie was eating a BRAIN! It was so gross. (but, if you can remove the context, it was kind of funny … I mean, remember how I thought he was gay? Really he was just debating eating me!)

The zombie could tell he had crossed a boundary, because he looked at me and he seemed sort of ashamed and he said, “brains?”

I didn’t know what to do so I pointed at my head and I said, “tastes like ketchup” (he hates ketchup) and so we both kind of laughed about that.

Anyway, I think he and I sort of bonded tonight. We watched Princess Bride after I got back from my walk.

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My Zombie Roomy

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