The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘stuffed’

Communication Problems

Effective communication is a difficult thing. Often it stands in the way of great progress being made. I know it’s certainly a problem where I work, and that probably goes for every work place.

That’s why this is so embarrassing for me to admit.

Communication with myself often falls far short. Here are a few examples.

1. “Ok Brad, clean the dishes, then you can relax.”

20 minutes later – “Wait, was I supposed to clean the dishes, or eat this bag of mini-doughnuts? Because I see a lot of dirty dishes, and NO doughnuts …”

2. “Ok … I’ll set my alarm for … 6 am … I’ll wake up and do sit-ups before getting ready for work and in no time I’ll have super freak abs.”

7:30 am, “SHOOT … Wait, wow … I snoozed my alarm so many times it gave up … Impressive!”

3. “All right guys, this is my last game then I need to head to bed. Battlefield 3 can’t run my life.”

20 minutes later: “No I can’t go to sleep after THAT …”

50 minutes later: “I am so glad we have that coffee place right by work. One more game?”

… Not a very good post, right? Eh. You’re probably too comatose from Turkey to care. And if you do care, go eat some pie, come back and read this in a better mood.

Happy leftovers day everyone! (Well, everyone in the States that is. Sorry Canadian friend, and semi-Canadian friend.)

De Jour of the Week (4/12/10)

The Last Bite

The menu’s placed in front of me
Each item looks like a delicacy
The promise of food makes me act so kindly

Yes, yes, yes, maybe, yes, ooooh! YES!
Now close the menu so I don’t second-guess

I order and await my feast
Licking my chops like some kind of beast

Ok, waiter, what’s up?, where’s the food?
I’m here for fowl, not a foul mood
You walk out with a plate! … but it’s for some other dude.

My anger flies out the window with the arrival of my plate
Don’t ever forget that food will always placate

The smells are wafting
Dig in and stop the small-talking

The first bite is delicious
The second bite is delicious
The third bite, the fourth bite, the fifth bite … delicious

Soon I take a deep breath to give myself a rest
I’m probably already full, but I still attack with a zest

A refill?, yes, please, my stomach skin needs a good stretching
While compliments to the chef, the waiter, the world – I’m singing

Ohh … ohhh no
Here we go
My fork-steering has gotten awfully slow

I’m full, I know it, why won’t I stop chewing?
Honestly I’m one bite away from moo-ing

Geez, it looks like I haven’t even made a dent!
This restaurant’s owner is some God-awful malcontent!

Do not pass go, do not collect 200 hundred dollars, go directly to stuffed and agitated
Just a short while ago I was upset because my hunger made me aggravated
And now I’m a balloon, a raft, a floaty – I’m inflated

But, I still need to take one last bite
My arm is moving, the food is coming at me, my body is angry at the sight

The teeniest, tiniest, it-won’t-make-a-difference sliver
The stomach just needs to expand a bit, so move aside liver

I hate food, I hate movement, I hate everything
The idea of eating out again is dizzying
And yet, the dessert menu is strangely tempting …

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