The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for January, 2015

Get Your Peanut Butter and Bread

Because we’ve got the JAM!

Tomorrow (TOMORROW!) I’m getting hitched. To a real live lady! Here’s the CD we made for guests staying at the hotel … Jam out and you’ll be at the wedding with us in spirit, old buddies, old pals!

 

Cameras by Matt and Kim
Puzzle pieces by Saint Motel (I like this video)
Call Me Irresponsible by Bobby Darin
The Escape by Wild Child
I Wanna Be Your Man by Willy Moon (Dig his footwork!)
100 Days, 100 Nights by Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
Clouds & Cream by Sticky Fingers
Awkward by San Cisco
Daydream by The Lovin’ Spoonful
Young Love by Mystery Jets
Thank You by Mozella
Song No. 6 by Ane Brun feat. Ron Sexsmith (Fun video!)
Your Easy Lovin’ Ain’t Pleasin’ Nothin’ by Mayer Hawthorne (Are you a bit of a goober but want to be surrounded by dancing girls? Call Mayer, he’s got it figured out.)
Pioneers by The Lighthouse and The Whaler
Spotlight by Leagues
Mr Polite by The Jungle Giants (A fun video)
Heart it Races by Architecture in Helsinki
You’re My Best Friend by Queen

Attn: Ellen (1/21/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

In preparation for moving into my fiancé’s apartment (the wedding is Saturday!) I have been moving things to her place and had furniture donated.

My place looks like it was robbed by a book loving, summer clothes wearing, poster fan who didn’t like my couch or TV.

And for that, I thank you, imaginary criminal.

Wish me luck with this whole marriage thing, eh?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

The Downside of Better Video Games

In the video game FIFA 14 you can choose to create a player and play through the career of that one person. This can lead to upgrading your rating as you get accomplishments, and playing for different teams if you prove yourself ready to play at higher or lower levels.

In other words, the game is tracking your stats to decide how to rank you and move you. Pretty neat.

What would not be neat is if the game got really good at this.

When playing the game I take turns between two skill levels: one offers a challenge where I have to play intelligently, my team could win or lose, and I will score a goal if I’m lucky/play really well. Also my rating (you are rated each match) is so-so. To offset this and advance my player I also play at an easier level in order to get more accomplishments, advancing my player faster and also, obviously, it’s just fun to score. In those matches I’m rated very highly.

Here’s what a write-up of my player might look like if the game got to the point where it had built in the ability to track trends in your play. (FYI: my character’s nickname is Slinky because it’s an old soccer nickname of mine.)

“Slinky is a decent player. He ranges from slightly below average to amazing, seemingly game to game.

“Some days he arrives and the game starts with him calling for the ball and he persists in calling for the ball without once distributing it, seemingly, until he has a hat trick. It is some of the most selfish play one could ever witness, and yet it works. Disturbingly, even after scoring multiple goals he seems to avoid passing to a specific teammate (it should be noted that this player is second on the team stat sheet for goals scored, first in assists). On some of these games he will take shot after shot that is nearly impossible – with his weak foot, from outside the box. It makes no sense.

“I would kick him off the team except he really can score at will. With enough time and chances he WILL score multiple goals, embarrassing the opponent. It is almost as if everyone around him is an amateur compared to his professional status.

“Then, on the ‘off’ days, Slinky is a good teammate, making runs, distributing the ball, coming back to help on defense. He does everything he should … But honestly, I’d prefer the selfish a-hole version who scores 4 times per game.

“It should be noted several teammates, independent of each other, have made attempts on his life.

“I think he deserves a raise.”