The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Tough Interview Question

I read that one way to have someone prove their ability to communicate difficult concepts in an easy to understand manner is to ask a question like, “how would you explain a website that is http versus a website that is https to your grandmother.”

First, you may have to familiarize yourself with the technical intricacies of the difference because wait … what does http even stand for? I mean I know s is secure or … like … security but … How does the internet work!?

Anywho, I thought of a question I would ask if I was conducting an interview of someone who I didn’t like because I felt he or she was too cocky: “How would you explain how babies are conceived to your grandmother?” Then when the person insists that their grandma knows or that the question has no relevance for being a clerk at a grocery store I would simply state, “If you want the job,” then I would pause for dramatic effect, “then explain to me, as though I am your grandmother, where babies come from. I went to a Catholic high school so … don’t mind me taking copious notes.”

Weather Safety

Many of you know the phrase, “When thunder roars, go indoors.” For those of you who don’t know the phrase, it is meant to be easily remembered and remind you to be safe when a thunderstorm is heading your way.

What you may not know is that the NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) in combination with a conference for TV meteorologists were so inspired by the success of “When thunder roars, go indoors” that they came up with a new list of phrases to remind people that it is definitely better to be safe than sorry when it comes to the powerful forces of nature.

 

If you see a tornado, you’d better a-go-go.

You don’t have carte blanche when there could be an avalanche.

If you notice hail, local dealerships will soon have a sale.

Don’t be insane, respect the hurricane.

Is that lightning? That sh** is frightening.

 

Are you safer now having read these informative quips? As any number of important government officials at NOAA would say, ‘Don’t be a dip, let me know what you think of the quip.’

Attn: Ellen (8/20/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Waking up today for the first time as a 30-year old! I thought “AHHHHH!,” then, “there’s no real difference” then I took a bite of cereal as a 30-year old! and thought “AHHHHH!,” then, “don’t be silly really I’m one day older,” then when I grabbed my keys to go to work I resolved myself because I knew I’d be hearing cheesy jokes about being an old man all day.

And by resolved myself I mean I debated calling in sick.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?