The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Labor Day 2038

Today is Labor Day. According to the United States Department of Labor this is defined as

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

What you may not know is that Labor Day, starting in the year 2038, will be a day of unbelievable cruelty. But, only for a select few.

Starting in 2038 (I’d explain more but honestly give me some credit for at least being able to know the future partly) Labor Day will be a day when mothers (I’m not sure if that includes pregnant women too) will be allowed to inflict any amount of pain to anyone. They will not be allowed to kill people, but they can beat and berate to their heart’s content. The day will not longer be a day that is designed to pay tribute to workers, but instead it will be a day designed to level the field – to equalize the amount of pain endured during labor mothers will be allowed to inflict pain on others at their own whim.

Labor Day, the most feared day off work for the majority of the world’s population.

In the meantime, I hope you’re enjoying your present day Labor Day!

2014 SMU Football

Well, well, well friends – football is back. And with it, my well-informed and well-biased opinion of how SMU will do this year.

In 2011 I predicted 8-4 but instead SMU went 7-5. One game off? What a pro, am I right?

2012 you’d think I would have improved but nope, predicted 8-4 but in reality SMU went 6-6. I don’t think that’s my fault though, that sounds more like SMU should’ve just won 2 games more.

2013 I recovered well … but it didn’t warm the heart because I predicted 5-7 and was dead on.

Last year was SMU’s first year in a new conference, the American Athletic Conference (formerly known as the Big East). The expectations for SMU were low and 5-7 might actually be considered a success by some (though it’s hard to look at a losing season and see it as good). This year SMU should come in a little bit better, but they’re missing last year’s starting QB.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted last year’s QB is gone. Oh boy am I ever glad. But will the next guy be better? Eh.

Without further ado …

8/31    at Baylor    Loss

9/6    at North Texas    Win

9/20    vs Texas A&M    Loss

9/27    vs TCU    Win (on a whim and a prayer)

10/4    at East Carolina    Win

10/18    vs Cincinnati    Loss (apparently they’re going to be the hot shots)

10/25    vs Memphis    Win

11/8    at Tulsa    Win

11/15    vs USF (Homecoming)    Win

11/22    at UCF    Loss

11/28    vs Houston    Loss

12/6    at Connecticut    Win

 

Total Record: 7-5

Honestly I have no idea how they’re going to do. But in the past that hasn’t stopped me from making predictions …

On that high note, here’s to football!

Attn: Ellen (8/27/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’m pretty sure this postcard is supposed to be for people who like western ladies but … what? Does the framed photo on the cactus mean this is her home? In that case is she poor or a squatter? If she’s poor is the horse stolen or does she have terrible money management?

Please chime in Ellen and/or Arizona.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?