The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘awkward silence’

Quotes of the Day!

“Listen, everybody … the launch is canceled, but fries now only cost 4 dollars and ninety-five cents … for the single ladies.”

NASA Chief Bolden

(I HIGHLY recommend you click on that picture. I bought some post cards from the Kennedy Space Center gift shop but what I really wanted – besides the 100 dollar space-suit onesy – was THIS picture.)

Kid: “I still want to be a monster truck driver!”

Kid’s Dad: “Aim higher, buddy.”

My folks and I toured Kennedy Space Center and got lunch there. We sat next to a couple and their 4th grade son. My mom was talking about me as a little kid and how I wanted to be an entomologist. I said I just liked catching bugs. Then the kids mom said her son wanted to be a monster truck driver. The above conversation followed. I found them pretty awesome and funny.

 

In other news I did NOT get to see the shuttle launch. This is a pretty big bummer. My parents are still there so fingers crossed that (by the time this gets posted) the launch has not been delayed again.

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Quotes of the Day!

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A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned

On this political night I’ll share a story that is rarely told about Abraham Lincoln. Yes, it makes him seem sexist, but it is a fake story.

In other news – DANG IT! The shuttle launch was delayed til Thursday which is the day I fly back so I’m shafted. DARN YOU NASA!!!

 

The origin of this phrase points to several possible sources. Shockingly, none of them tell this story. Allow me to relate my personal favorite theory behind ‘a penny saved is a penny earned.’

It was during the peak of the Civil War and Abraham Lincoln was with some Union soldiers. The soldiers were, of course, very nervous to be standing near such a great man. Also one of the soldiers had a rather odd fear of tall people, so he was particularly nervous.

Another soldier came running up to the group of soldiers, who were his friends.

“I just saved a girl’s life! She’s the most beautiful girl and I – Oh!,” the soldier stopped short when he noticed the gangly President. “Sir, I apologize!,” the soldier cried out.

“Dude, chill,” Lincoln said. “What’s the chick’s name?”

“Ah … Penny, sir,” the soldier replied, equally flustered and proud.

“So …,” Lincoln said, encouragingly.

“So?,” the soldier said, unaware of Lincoln’s intent.

“Well, give us more details. What’s she like? She married? Don’t leave us hanging man, it’s a total dude-fest out here, I could use a good story to cheer me up,” Lincoln said eloquently.

“Oh, uh … well, she’s not married, sir. And uh … she seems nice, um …” The soldier tried to think of more to say.

“Bro. Listen,” Lincoln started out, getting more courage as he spoke, “she’s gotta be totally smitten with you right now. Just like, boom, that dude is hot because he saved my life. It’s time to GET that mess!”

The soldiers all shared glances, wanting to make very sure of Lincoln’s meaning.

“Guys,” Lincoln shook his head and chuckled at their obtuse minds, “a Penny saved is a Penny earned.”

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Concussions

If you follow the NFL, you’re aware that a big deal has been made about head-hunting hits (trying to hit guys helmet-to-helmet, that sort of thing). These are big, mean dudes flying really fast at other big, mean dudes. They’ve got pads and helmets on which they use as, essentially, tools to hit harder.

My opinion (just an opinion) is that it’s not a bad thing to limit crazy big hits. Yes, it’s fun to watch a guy light into another guy in football, but it’s not worth it if the damage delivered is severe.

Enough boring – now for my jokesy story. This is a football player and a doctor. The football player has suffered a concussion.

Concussions

Doc:Hey, how do you feel?
Player: Great. Absolutely great.
Doc: That’s good. No hangover effects from the concussion?
Player: From the what?
Doc: … The concussion.
Player: Hmm. It’s hard to understand you when you make up fake words, doc.
Doc: … Concussion?
Player: Xylophone.
Doc: I don’t understand.
Player: You make up a fake word like concussion, then I make up a fake word like xylophone.
Doc: I see.
Player: What’s your word mean? My word’s an instrument.
Doc: Ah, so … you received some brain damage, and I just wanted to see if you’re ok.
Player: Ohhhhh. Did my brother win, then?
Doc: Come again?
Player: We were playing some football for fun.
Doc: Let me guess, without helmets?
Player: What’s a helmet? Nah, I’m kidding, doc. But yeah, we weren’t wearing helmets.
Doc: (flips through charts) How many concussions HAVE you gotten over the years?
Player: (laughs) Doc, you keep talking about instruments! Concussions and xylophones. You want to form a band or something?
Doc: Do you know what year it is?
Player: Doc, you and I both know a bit about the brain. Every brain can hold 500 facts. If I had to remember the year, I’d forget about a play, and coach would be angry about that.
Doc: … I can’t tell if you’re joking.
Player: Listen, maybe I don’t know how to build a space ship or read, but I can hit a guy really hard, really fast.
Doc: And you can play the concussion pretty well.
Player: (laughs) Hell yeah I can, doc.

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