The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘awkward silence’

De Jour of the Week (7/15/10)

An Ode to the Stain on My Shirt

Oh, mighty stain!
I do wonder from whence you came!
Rarely do I eat curry
And I hope I’m wrong, but you appear a bit furry
That bloody nose must’ve drip, drip, dropped
My pulled pork missed my mouth and instead plopped

Oh, mighty stain!
You cause wonder, and disdain
The heat causes me to sweat just so
And chocolate melts and drips, you know
I should’ve avoided sliding in the grass
My clumsy hands spilled that wine from its glass

Oh, mighty stain!
What magical wash-proof forces do you contain?
Biting a juice box can cause it to spill
Old pens are neat, but beware a drippy quill
Meatballs go on top of spaghetti, which apparently goes on top of me
If your hands have dirt, wipe them on your shirt to be germ-free

Oh, mighty stain!
You scoff at the likes of Tide, All and Gain
Whoops – I spilled coffee on this admiring refrain.

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Du Jour of the Week

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omgIMpreggars : Tweets from a Pregnant Fourteen Year Old

10 am: ugh! moms so pissed. taking me to hospital to see if im prgnant. fingers crossed its no!!!!!

10:47 am: shhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiitttttttttt.

10:49 am: mom said having a baby is worse than the time i got 14 stitches!!!!

10:57 am: omg! mom is so pissed! im sorry ok i thought he was on birth control!

11:14 am: apparently men cant be on birth control??? what were all those pills he took? whatev.

11:37 am: mom stated to take me back to school and i said erf that! im pregnant and have morning sickness or whatever.

11:39 am: lol! erf! i meant ef!!! lol!!

12:01 pm: just ate a ton! being preggars has its upside? 🙂

12:27 pm: i dont wanna be fat 😦 😦 😦 my bf will totally braeak up w me 😦 😦

12:32 pm: bf tweeted he luvs me!!!

12:34 pm: hahaha lol! my bf is such a perv! told me all the free sex we want for 9 mos

12:39 pm: wait … u cant get pregntn for lik another 3 months after birth too? right?

1:12 pm: ill have to get all new clothes … torn feeling sabout this 😦 and 🙂 lol!

1:37 pm: moms still so angry 😦

2:12 pm: shit mom get over it!!!!

3:07 pm: mom threatened to take my phone! wtf!!! its how i express myself!

3:09 pm: first amendment mom! heard of it?!!?!

3:14 pm: i can sue for indepndence from my parents right? i declare mself emancipted!!

3:17 pm: lol! my bf told me emancipated sounds like constipated! lol!

4:10 pm: shit am i ready to be a mom? what do u guys think?

4: 13 pm: be real w me pls …

4:47 pm: im havng this baby! weather you want iot or not!

4:49 pm: when you have ur period iur a woamn! ok!? like in china girls have babeis at 10!!

4:51 pm: f them doubters! lol!

5:37 pm: i feel fat 😦

6:27 pm: mom said no mcdonalds for dinnr!!! 😦 😦 😦

6:30 pm: jst bc im pregnant and weigh less than u mom doesnt mean u shuld be jealous

6:55 pm: oh no oh no oh no dads home! …

6:56 pm: bust out my ninja skillz! lol shhhh lol

7:15 pm: i saw my dad cry for like the firts time evr in his life … cryng right now 2 u guys … i guess things are goig to be diffrnet

7:24 pm: rude. mom calld me “unfit parent” wtf mom

7:27 pm: whats unfit is that shirt moms wearing LOL!!!!

7:49 pm: why do we evn have trigonmtry? its pointless

8:24 pm: than god for tivo! 🙂

8:37 pm: wow my baby will never have to wtch commrcials ever! what an easy life!

9:12 pm: im about to give birth to my lunch lol! cafetria food sucks!

9:47 pm: from my bf: “curfews are as gay as oprah and that chick shes gay with” LOL! luv it! luv you! 🙂

10:14 pm: ive been jokng around a lot today but im really scared. i dont know if i can handle this 😦 im so young its scary guys …

10:30 pm: south parks on ) 🙂 🙂 🙂

10:32 pm: tomrrow ill haev been pregnant 2 days. weird. night all. kep me in ur prayer.s

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Short Short Stories

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My Zombie Roomy (6/9/10)

6/9/10
I tell you – I’ve never had a roommate who I’ve had so much drama with.

The undead, who knew?

Earlier the Zombie did something – I’m not going to repeat it because I found it offensive – but I’ll tell you it was racist against Hispanics. And possibly sexist. But the racism so outweighed the sexism that it didn’t even occur to me until later.

But here’s the catch – what if the Zombie is Hispanic himself? Then is it acceptable? I mean, it was still bad, and it was sincere and he knew it was unacceptable. But you’re allowed to self-hate.

I’m really curious about finding out if the Zombie’s Hispanic, but the only ways I could think to test were, frankly, racist.

I put on some of the crappy Mexican polka that God knows why people enjoy, and he didn’t seem to enjoy it or hate it. So, neutral.

I put out a newsboy cap, a baseball hat, a do rag and a sombrero and said pick one – and he picked up the remote and turned up the volume (I get the hint, Zombie).

He’s so unresponsive, but I’m so curious now!

Category:

My Zombie Roomy

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