The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘ice cream’

My Zombie Roomy (2/12/13)

I followed the Zombie and ended up being discovered spying on him. I was really embarrassed, and actually pretty confident I was going to be ripped to shreds and devoured. (The fear of being eaten was a more pressing concern than the embarrassment … And I actually wondered briefly if blushing made me look more edible … Like some human form of a pig with an apple in its mouth? Is that supposed to make pigs look delicious? I don’t really get it, actually.)

Anywho, the Zombie met up with four buddies in a wooded area behind my apartment. Kudos, also, to them leading me to discover a pretty cool tree fort! Kids around this area really have some ingenuity!

Before I was discovered here’s what I saw:

The Zombie arrived and two of the others were already there. They didn’t really greet each other in any way I could notice. Each of them just stood by a tree. It’s a little clump of trees that is close together. The third was walking up and ran across me. You’d think I would’ve heard the shuffling of a zombie tromping through the woods but this guy was actually really sneaky. Not at all representative of the zombie stereotype.

The guy who stumbled across me grabbed me and I was willingly dragged into the meeting. I made a quick decision to rely on the Zombie’s friendship rather than try to run. It was an analytical, and very scientific process that led me to this decision. Also, that sneaky zombie pantsed me.

That’s right. He pantsed me.

He managed to sneak up on me, pantsed me, and then started walking me forward. My running shorts have an elastic band so it was an easy and very smart play on the part of this zombie. I figured he must be the brains of the operation. If I had bolted I would’ve tripped and given this jock a-hole zombie reason to start feasting on me. Then the Zombie and the other unknown zombie would’ve come up and joined in and before you know it … no more blog, just a twitter account that randomly sends out “#brains?”

The zombie leading me pushed me into the center of the cluster of trees and the fourth zombie was walking up at that point. He looked like he was ready to start his snack time. I realized then that the zombie was a lady, and I had a weird thought flash before my mind – would I rather be eaten by a lady or male zombie? I tucked this away for analysis, potential sexual-crisis ramifications, and self-mockery.

There I was (I had pulled my shorts up thank you) surrounded by five zombies.

Hey, sorry, a friend just texted about ice cream … More later!

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My Zombie Roomy

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The Ice Cream Plight

Ice cream, oh ice cream
It is of you I now dream
Ice cream which would give such delight!
But ice cream that requires moving off my couch tonight

Past self, at the grocery store,
“Bad eating habits? No more!”
You FOOL! You goon! You dummy.
A life … without ice cream … is not yummy.

And so, to the closest store I go
For overpriced chocolate chip cookie dough
At the grocery store soon after
I’ll think back with self-chiding laughter
“No, I ate too much ice cream that night.
“Cutting out sweets is definitely right.”

Yes, my friends, my foes
These are the ice cream woes
Take heed at the grocery store tonight!
Don’t think, just buy, avoid the Ice Cream Plight

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Du Jour of the Week

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Craigslist Missed Connections I Could See Myself Posting

I

We Had a Moment?? – m4w – 26

I was out jogging so I didn’t have my glasses on – but I couldn’t stop looking at you* and I think we had a moment?

*Assuming you are female. If you are not this is a total joke. Also get a haircut, your pony tail is misleading.

II

Hopefully you like shy guys… – m4w – 26

We were both at Some-Buddy’s Bar last night and I didn’t talk to you or really make much eye contact because I was playing coy. So … dang.

III

Undo Button … – m4w – 26

We met last night while standing in line at the grocery store and we were having an awesome little conversation and everything was great and I was about to ask for your number when I made that joke about if you had a more attractive sister.

The bagger laughed?? Does that count for anything?

Anyway – again, totally joking. We should hang out sometime? I’d love to meet your family? (Too soon to joke about this again? We’ll give it time …)

IV

Flirtatious Drool – m4w – 26

You told me I had an awesome t-shirt and I smiled and drooled a little ice cream.

We should meet up. But not for ice cream.

V

Silver Medal is Still Good? – m4w – 26

I went up to you and your group of friends and the four of us talked for like an hour. It was awesome. I felt like you were really digging me and I was definitely interested in you as well.

I also happened to be slightly interested in your friend. Who happened to have a very large boyfriend. So when I asked her to dance I meant as friends, because, you know, you’re clearly the coolest. I really wanted to dance with you, I just pitied your friend?

…This will make a great ‘how we met’ story??

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Du Jour of the Week

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