DumbFunnery

Sesame Street vs Muppets

I learned from a twelve year old Swedish boy that the Muppets were a humor television show. And Sesame Street was an educational and humor television show. And that, apparently, I shouldn’t take either of them for gospel.

After he gave me this little speech I asked him where he got such a nice pair of sassy pants from. Did they come from the sassypants store? Or was it a mega store? Maybe 2 pairs of sassy pants for the price of one? Or was there a sassy outfit, with a flippant scarf, a saucy beret, maybe some fresh sneakers? Did it also come with a copy of, “Oscar Wilde and You – Get Your Intelligentsia Bitch On?”

I have to admit I maybe went on a little too long with the sassy pants schtick. That’s only about a quarter of it. Still, it’ll be cool having pictures of me with a black eye in Europe. I plan to print out one or two of those picture and write an amazing story on the back of one of the pictures of how I got the black eye. It will involve a twelve year old who, despite my valiant efforts, could not be rescued from the land-shark. Though I will manage to save the bus full of Swedish models/masseuses/cake-makers. It will be glorious.

Hersky-Bersky Land

That’s right, friends! I’m in Sweden! Home of the hersky-bersky! I have yet to see a single chef, but I’m sure they’re around every corner.

Do you think, in Sweden, 90% of the population are chefs? Because I think so too!

These guys are good at keeping a straight face during a joke, too. Because I go up to people and I say something hysterical like, “hersky-bersky-ursky-mursky?” (Which is a very funny knock-knock joke in the language of the Swede) and they don’t crack a smile! It’s a country full of Leslie Nielsons!

Half Leslie Nielson, half chef. It can’t get any better!

Life Lesson Learned – Shut Yer Pie Hole

It turns out my backstory was not needed. J wisely advised me to, “shut-uppa-you-face-ah” (we were taking turns doing bad accents … well, I was giving him an accent to make his words seem less mean).

I thought about it and it seemed like good advice. Now when I meet strangers I just smile. I think people in this country may think I’m a little developmentally disabled, but for some people that’s almost synonymous with saying I live in Texas. Sorry, Texas, but it’s true.

Now when people talk to me I just smile and say, “you look like you could be a model!” It’s true, though. Everyone here looks like he/she could be a model. At first it was exciting because WOW. Then it was upsetting because I’ll never be so pretty or with someone so pretty. Now it’s just upsetting. Copenhagenites are real s.o.b’s.

Dang! Look at that girl’s cheek bones! They’re so sharp you could grate cheese on them.

I’m going to say hello to her, then, based on past experience, giggle and try to say exactly 73 words at once, telling her a pointless story about my family dog that I will realize is failing so I’ll end up telling ridiculous lies that have no place belonging in a story about the dog. But maybe she’ll be into that.

Wish me luck!