The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘NFL’

Keys to Successfully Watching the Super Bowl

If you are an NFL fan then by now you have heard all about Peyton Manning, Richard Sherman and Bob Barker.

Can Peyton legitimize his legacy by winning a second Super Bowl, moving his record in the big game from 1-1 to 2-1?

Can Richard Sherman back up his big words with big play? Can people forgive a braggart, or will on the fence fans cheer for Peyton because they don’t like a big mouth?

Will Bob Barker’s veiled, cryptic words on the last episode of “The Price is Right” that he appeared on be correct?

These questions will only be answered at the Super Bowl!

Grab some popcorn, chat with your friends (but during this game you chat DURING the game, not during commercials), and enjoy what happens!

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Pssst. In high school I had to read The Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. The next step was obvious – I had to write a paper on the book. I turned to the internet for help and one of the sites I found was incredible.

I looked up the book trying to find out the themes, motifs, the usual “beyond the words” kind of meanings that somehow English professors/teachers find so obvious but that always escape me. The site I found had exactly what I was looking for … except the author of the site was playing a practical joke.

The site described enough of the book accurately to convince lazy students that it was legitimate, but the site also contained a bunch of made up nonsense. It was one of the funniest things I’d ever read.

I could just see a student handing in a paper confidently, only to get back an F with a note, “there were no unicorns in The Heart of Darkness. The next time you try and fake a paper, at least look up the synopsis from a credible source.”

I didn’t want to actually have people thinking that Bob Barker had some cryptic message years ago that was somehow tied to this game (would you have really believed that?) … But maybe some future post I’ll do that.

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Attn: Ellen (1/22/14)

Front

Ellen154a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 Ellen154b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I have been watching the NFL playoffs a lot today and I made a decision – I’m going to bring the intensity of the NFL to my work.

If a co-worker and I disagree and it turns out I’m right, I’m going to yell, “ALL DAY BABY! ALL DAY!” Then if later it turns out my co-worker actually was right? Then he/she would shout “PICK SIX!” … or something. I haven’t worked out all the details but I’m feeling confident … or something.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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Another Day at the Job

There are a lot of jobs out there that are tough, and I think every job can be tough on some days. No matter how cushy the job may seem, I am sure there are times when it is rough.

For example – the music clip person at a sporting event.

If we are talking about football you might be tempted to think they just have ten buttons in front of them and they play one of their go to songs at random.

But what if the music clip person was working for, say, this past years Houston Texans who fell far short of expectations and disappointed fans with a 2-14 season. Ouch. Suddenly your job just got a lot tougher.

You’re losing to … who cares … there’s still the whole fourth quarter to go and you have a first down for your defense (after your offense had a three and out). What do you play to amp up the crowd during the TV timeout? It’s crunch time, you need to use your brain, sound person!

Do you jump the gun, use false hopes and play the “THIIIIIIIRD DOWWWWWWWN!” clip? Maybe.
“All I Do is Win”? Eh … Best not to, given the score.
“Everybody Clap Your Hands”? Hmm. It’s already been played twenty-seven times this game.
Time to get crazy. Let’s go with …

What, too honest?

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