The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘soccer’

How the US Can Beat Belgium

I beg of you, please follow these steps to help the US Men’s National Team to advance tomorrow against Belgium.

  • Don’t eat fancy chocolates
    • This will send those Belgies (I just coined that) a message: we mean business
  • Avoid waffles
    • Don’t waffle when it comes to the USMNT
  • Crush up brussel sprouts and pour them on everything
    • This doesn’t make that much sense but soccer is on and I don’t have any creative juices flowing at the moment

Leave work early on Tuesday (the game is on at 3pm Central time) and cheer for the team. If they lose, be proud they made it this far. If they win, be ecstatic and dance around and make people at the place you’re watching the game wish they were soccer fans.

GO USMNT!!

Attn: Ellen (5/15/13)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres Washington D.C.

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

If my life was a soccer game on a Spanish-speaking channel, last night there would’ve been one of those at-first-funny-but-then-annoying 5 minute long “goaaaal!” announcements.

Why? Because I’m done with my Master’s*!

*If it turns out I failed my final, that would be an own goal announcement.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Houston Dynamo – Opening Game at the New Stadium!

Check out more items from my “What Have I Done?” bucket list!