DumbFunnery

You’ve Fest with the Rest,

Now Fest with the Best! Here we are in lovely (what country is this?) Munich!

Am I the only person who hears Munich and pictures an evil Vampire? I’m on constant Vamp-watch. I told J about this and he just sighed and shook his head. I told him I still had his back and he did this thing where he loses me in a crowd. He’s always challenging my “have your back” abilities – and I’m up for the challenge.

I don’t want to brag, but the more I’m touring around Europe, the more I feel like Wesley Snipes in Blade. Only I’m not black. And I don’t have any weapons. And I’m not that fit. And I don’t actually believe in Vampires.

I guess what I’m saying is I just seem moody. But hey, if it’s good enough for Blade it’s good enough for me!

Ok, back to looking for J.

Sesame Street vs Muppets

I learned from a twelve year old Swedish boy that the Muppets were a humor television show. And Sesame Street was an educational and humor television show. And that, apparently, I shouldn’t take either of them for gospel.

After he gave me this little speech I asked him where he got such a nice pair of sassy pants from. Did they come from the sassypants store? Or was it a mega store? Maybe 2 pairs of sassy pants for the price of one? Or was there a sassy outfit, with a flippant scarf, a saucy beret, maybe some fresh sneakers? Did it also come with a copy of, “Oscar Wilde and You – Get Your Intelligentsia Bitch On?”

I have to admit I maybe went on a little too long with the sassy pants schtick. That’s only about a quarter of it. Still, it’ll be cool having pictures of me with a black eye in Europe. I plan to print out one or two of those picture and write an amazing story on the back of one of the pictures of how I got the black eye. It will involve a twelve year old who, despite my valiant efforts, could not be rescued from the land-shark. Though I will manage to save the bus full of Swedish models/masseuses/cake-makers. It will be glorious.

Hersky-Bersky Land

That’s right, friends! I’m in Sweden! Home of the hersky-bersky! I have yet to see a single chef, but I’m sure they’re around every corner.

Do you think, in Sweden, 90% of the population are chefs? Because I think so too!

These guys are good at keeping a straight face during a joke, too. Because I go up to people and I say something hysterical like, “hersky-bersky-ursky-mursky?” (Which is a very funny knock-knock joke in the language of the Swede) and they don’t crack a smile! It’s a country full of Leslie Nielsons!

Half Leslie Nielson, half chef. It can’t get any better!