The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

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Top 10 Overheard TSA Statements

10) “Sir please take off your pants and do the macarena. It’s for the greater good.”

9) “DANG dude why are you so turned … Oh that’s actually a gun!? … What do I do now?”

8) “Do you love America? Eat the magic Jello while I stare at your package. Also, let me see your penis.”

7) “Do you mind if I take off my pants too?”

6) “Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Either way *snap of latex glove* bend over.”

5) “I guess if I was stranded on a desert island I would take my favorite movie – The Secretary – a tent, and some stranger to grope.”

4) “Sir. SIR! Please don’t discuss politics in public that’s bad form … Hey!, somebody’s not circumcised!”

3) “Welcome to the airport … Re-live your disappointing prom night sexual experience!”

2) “I didn’t go to four minutes of TSA medical school to be questioned by some commoner!”

1) “Just picture this as a Prince music video and you’ll actually enjoy it.”

 

I’m traveling to the San Francisco bay area this weekend to see J Minnie, Theresa and other pals. Wish me luck!

Idea

Problem:

There are lots of retired folks who are probably making next to nothing, and they have too much free time.

Problem:

Many guys (probably girls too) don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.

Solution:

One day a month, an unannounced day, a little old lady will sit in the woman’s bathroom and a little old man in the men’s. When someone tries to leave the little old lady or man will SHOOT the dirty person with a paintball gun.

Thus, the dirty folks are known throughout the world.

Final Result:

You know who not to touch. Also, I giggle.

Secondary Final Result:

I get made fun of for being a 26-year old man giggling in the corner of a bathroom.

The Internet is Full of Awesome: The Non-Review

The internet is great. It’s sometimes frustrating for me, as someone who hopes to get published, to find a fantastic website because, frankly, things would be much easier if that wasn’t the case. But, while frustrating, I’m happy that there are great things online – and one of these is The Non-Review.

The Internet is Full of Awesome: The Non-Review

1) Based on your personality, if you were an animal, what animal would you be? (This is not what animal you would WANT to be.)

I gotta go with a hedgehog. I prefer  the night, I can get along with just about anyone, and if I feel frightened I roll into a ball.

[Click the pic to get the joke, click the link above to view the article the pic is from.]

2) Everyone else has a super power but you – What super power does everyone else have?*

This is funny to me on a whole different level. I once wrote a book (that I’ve never tried to get published) with a similar theme.

I would have to say everyone else would be able to read each other’s thoughts and I would be left in a muted world.

3) Why do you blog?

For the fame and glory, doi. Ha ha. I went through a two year period where I stopped writing, feeling that I didn’t have enough talent. I thought blogging would be a good way to shake off some rust. Now I’ve just come to enjoy entertaining (or attempting to). If I can do that I’m a happy blogger. I’ve also made a lot of good friends in the process, which is really cool.

4) If you could bring any ONE item back from any movie – what would the item be and from what movie?*

That’s an awesome question. I’m quite greedy so I’m going to stretch the question to the limits and say Robby the robot from Forbidden Planet. He’ll provide me with everything I need from thereon.

5) What is your proudest blog-related moment?

Having Harry Harrison, one of my heroes write a review for my site. Normally the whole celebrity thing does nothing for me but my inner geek couldn’t be contained on that one.

6) What opposite-sex-of-you celebrity would you want to play you in the movie-version of your life?

Dawn French, though she is a little old for the role.

7) Please provide a question for the next blogger interviewed?

If time is moving forward, but everyone keeps looking back, does that mean the future is really just the past?

 

*My work buddy L came up with these awesome questions. Though he doesn’t know this blog exists.

Big thanks to The Non-Review for answering the questions – be sure to check out his very clever, funny blog here.

And look for another interview next (month? I don’t know) with CorruptCamel.com!