Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
When you watch movies about spies, or ninjas, or secret agents – do you think it would be cool if you could be one? I do, too.
One thing those folks and I have in common? We’re very meticulous when it comes to folding laundry.
It’s the subtle skills of spies like laundry-folding that go under-appreciated.
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
It’s Sunday afternoon (January 13) and I’m watching football and doing very little moving after having run my second half marathon this morning. There were a few funny moments in the run, but mostly this post is for my own memory (i.e., I’d recommend hitting the ‘Why Not?’ button and reading something more interesting).
The run started at 7 am for people who are really good. What’s that mean? 25,000 people signed up for this!! 13,000 for the marathon, 12,000 for the half marathon. That’s just plain nuts! The way it works is you say what pace you expect to run (when I signed up I said 9:15 per mile), and then they assign you to a starting “corral.” The “elite runners” (think: Ethiopia) start at the very front. That way they won’t have their pacing messed up by slow pokes like me. (The top half marathon finisher ran an average 4 minute, 43 second mile!)
It’s one thing to sign up for the run, but another to actually do it. Especially considering the weather.
The weather was MISERABLE. 45 degrees fahrenheit at the start, but with a “feels like 37 degrees.” It was windy and the rain came and went. When I finished I glanced at my phone to look at the weather … still 45 degrees. Gahhh. I think my feet are still cold.
According to the unofficial results (from the Houston marathon website) 10,105 people ended up running the half marathon. That’s pretty darn good when you consider injuries, illness, life, and that stinking weather.
Due to the massive crowd and my slower pace, I started around 7:10 am. We had to be in our “corral” by 6:50 am. This meant twenty minutes of standing around being incredibly cold. A couple was standing right in front of me hugging each other for about ten minutes straight. Ordinarily I would find that awkward, or assume some tragedy had just befallen them, but this morning I just wanted to try and squirm in there and whisper creepily, “three’s a crowd, eh?”
I don’t know the best way to explain just how cold I was, but here’s this:
Because of the on again, off again rain, a lot of the runners were smart and showed up wearing trash bags or ponchos to keep themselves relatively dry. I was not one of those smart runners. I had a fancy shirt (thanks to E$ and the bro-in-law for the Christmas gift!), running shorts, a light running jacket and your basic shoes and socks. I was cold and getting more wet, with no break in the sky coming. About a mile into the jog I began to worry about this … Mostly because I didn’t want my phone to break. Two miles in I was worried about the cold/wetness and my phone … That’s when the “I’m so freaking cold, who cares!” thinking set in. Other, faster people had discarded their outer layers – mostly trash bags on the side of the road, but sometimes jackets (volunteers collected discarded clothes and donated them to charity) … And I began to seriously consider picking up used, sweaty, stomped on trash bags …
Thankfully, at around mile 3.5 a guy I was running next to was shedding his trash bag. “Can I have that!?” I excitedly asked. He gave me a weird look, then his used trash bag. Happy, happy, joy, joy.
On the downside I was now the Goth runner. Black shorts, black jacket, black trash bag. And for the most part I sported my sunglasses because they are prescription and I am blind without them. This led to the highlight of the run for me (besides finishing and getting a sweet new shirt).
A random person looked at me and gave this cheer, “ALL RIGHT DARTH VADER! WHOO! Look at you with your all black Johnny Cash look!!” Fantastic. That took my mind off the run and made me laugh for a good ten seconds (I probably looked nuts). Also, by the way, all of the random people shouting and dancing and blasting music and just distracting me from the run – thank you!
The sign of the run was: “Worst. Parade. Ever.”
I had, through terrible stretching (take note: take stretching seriously!!), managed to sideline myself from running for a decent bit and had been thinking I would skip this run. The fact that I had already spent money on it and couldn’t get my money back, plus wanting to experience such a huge event, led me to deciding to go for it after all. I’m really glad that I did. I ran closer to the pace I wanted (8:33 per mile, 8:30 was my ideal), and while I am not feeling more confident in the marathon I have signed up for … I don’t feel as scared (right after I finished I thought good gravy, a marathon is going to be terrible).
Also, I feel confident that I could shave a few seconds off my finish time. I had to do a lot of dodging and weaving at the start, and the cold weather may have hurt. Although the weather may have helped because the first 8 miles all I felt was cold, not tired … then I stopped thinking about the cold, and starting thinking about the grinding run.
Why the push to do better at the marathon? To beat my dad’s time, of course. I have two goals for my marathon: cross ‘run a marathon’ off my bucket list, and beat my dad’s time.
I hope today was a nice step toward these goals!
For some people, football may already be over … It could be that they only care about college football, or they are die-hard fans of one particular NFL team and can’t be bothered to talk about football now that their team has been knocked out of the playoffs.
For a lot of people, though, football is just beginning. Now is the time that it’s a more common work topic. Suddenly Fridays at work are “show your passion for your favorite team!” You hear people on Mondays talking about the games that happened. Tuesdays it’s died down, except for an occasional comment. Thursday and Friday it’s back in the hallway chatter.
All fine and dandy if you’re into football, idle chatter and/or reduced productivity.
But what if you don’t know squat about the games?
Here are three generic comments that will get someone blabbering away mindlessly about the game, leaving them to think you know what you’re talking about, and at your whim you can cut off the person with a quick, “oh shoot – I have to run. Meeting time!”
The person will probably respond by talking about Kaepernick’s running ability (and tough to spell name). Just remember, you are in control, fake meetings can be very urgent.
Of course the person will return your comment by talking about the missed defensive play that allowed the Ravens to score on such a last minute bomb of a throw – but stick to your guns, Q’s tushy – hot or not? NOT!
Then the predictable response, would the Seahawks even be here if RGIII’s knee was 100%? Talk about cliche.
Stick with these three simple, generic football commentary items and you’ll BS with the best in the office!
DumbFunnery 