The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Bizarre Dream

I just woke up, so I’m writing this out so I don’t forget it.

This is the only part of my dream that I remember.

I was sort of fighting (not punching, just pinning down) all these celebrities who play the main villains in horror movies. Not the villains themselves, the celebrities who play them. AND, the reason I was able to take on several at once … It was the celebrities as children.

It turns out (in my dream) the celebrities were really evil. I realized that no one ever wanted to make a scary movie, it’s just that these people would show up and start doing evil stuff and the director’s would go, “eh, all right, let’s film it.”

Maybe I had traveled back in time to stop these children (not babies, middle-school aged … I was fighting four or five of them so it was no small battle).

Weird, right?

But also, wouldn’t it be crazy to learn that a bunch of celebrities are evil?

Early Art Critic

 

~41,000 years ago, in a cave somewhere in Spain …

Dale: Ok what have we got here?
Ernie: This was done last week by Todd, with some input by Roger.
Dale: Oh I definitely see Roger in this. Yes. His style comes across loud and clear.
Ernie: You say that … almost …
Dale: With disappointment? Yes. I’m SICK of Roger. Roger, you have hands, we get it. Ok?
Ernie: So you don’t like this piece?
Dale: Come now, ‘don’t like’ is such a trite phrase.
Ernie: What would you say then?
Dale: I think the simplest thing to say would be that I find his use of shadows condescending and, frankly, pedantic.
Ernie: Well … we’re in a cave.
Dale: Yes.
Ernie: So … you know … there are gonna be shadows.
Dale: Ugh. You still have so much to learn about being a critic.

Attn: Ellen (10/10/12)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres Australia Quokka

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres Australia Quokka

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Wow! Yowzers! Dizzang! Not only is Australia great but they have weird science lab islands!

Take Rottnest Island, not far from Perth. Rottnest features that science experiment of animal, the Quokka. You know, the one that’s part kangaroo, part squirrel, part rat and 100% adorable/gross?

Yep, they’re funny little creatures, and that’s no quokka bull sh … huh!? HUH!?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?