The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘advice’

Happy Birthday to … My Big Bro

October is a big birthday month in my family. I decided to do a little post for some of the birthday boys and girls I know.

I already told what is possibly my favorite story of my brother – here in this video log. (I’m afraid to go back and watch it because I probably look like a dummy, but I’ll link it.)

Instead I’ll tell a nice story about the broham.

My senior year of high school my history teacher was a Notre Dame graduate. Notre Dame was the school I really wanted to get into.  I had asked my teacher to write a recommendation for me for Notre Dame and he gladly agreed. In fact, on my way out of class one day, he called me to stay behind.

He told me that he still had connections at the school and if I could tell him that, if I got in I would definitely go there, he figured he could get me in. I knew that if I got in that I would go there, but I told my teacher I’d have to think about it. I didn’t like the idea of getting somewhere because of some favor – I wanted to go because of my own merits.

I made a bigger deal out of this decision than I needed to, and as part of my deliberations that night I called my brother. This was a rarity. He and I pretty much never spoke on the phone.

I explained the situation to him and he told me to take the offer from my teacher. Along with that he told me something that went along the lines of this – “none of my teachers in high school would’ve offered this to me. You earned this offer of help.”

I hadn’t thought of it that way at all, but it was a statement that I thought was very nice and a good point. I didn’t end up asking my teacher for that “special” recommendation but it’s advice that I’ve always carried with me.

If anyone reading happens to be stubborn and want to pave your road with your own merits, you earn help like you earn anything else. Help’s not a bad thing!

Happy bday to my wise older bro!

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Weekly Wacko

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DumbFunnery Doles with the Best, Part I

Dear DumbFunnery,

My girlfriend and I are debating taking our relationship to “the next step” and I’m not sure what she means. I mean, I think she might mean sex, that seems like the obvious thing. But she’s really never said more than “the next step.” I want to have sex, but I’m afraid it might mean marriage. Is it worth the risk?

Madly in Lust,
Des Moines, Iowa

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Dear Madlust,

Holy cow dude. That is really personal. How am I supposed to know? And seriously, you’re writing about your sex life to a stranger? What a weird guy you are.

Hope this helps.

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Dear DumbFunnery,

How do you tell someone you think they smell like cabbage, without coming across really mean?

Hates Cabbage
Sunshine, Alaska

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Dear Cabbage,

This is such a classic problem I’m not even going to address it.

Next time give me a challenge.

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Dear DumbFunnery,

ohm y God. im crying. i am hartbroken how do you get over the luv of your life?

lost wthout love

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Dear … You,

With time.

On a lighter note – your letter conveys clearly that you are stupid.

All the best,
Me

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Dear DumbFunnery,

How do you go about deciding if what you’re doing is worth it? I enjoy what I do, but I feel like

sometimes I’m doing things just to please other people and not at all for myself. How do I even start

with trying to figure out what is best for myself, and others?

Confused and Trying

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Dear C&T,

I’m not a doctor and this is a bit unorthodox but I think your lymph node is swollen. Please get it checked out soon.

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Du Jour of the Week

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De Jour of the Week (4/21/10)

I SUPPOSE if people read this and they think of conversations they’ve had with their parents that could be understandable. But me? Noooooooo. This was inspired by conversations with my know-it-all stuffed animal, Little Foot (from Land Before Time).

I Called for Your Two Cents, but I Got Ten

I called for your two cents
You’re smart and your advice makes sense
But now we’re twenty minutes in and I can’t help but wince

I laid out my problem nice and clear
Even telling the parts that make it clear I’m no dear
And you listened without judgment, allaying my worry and fear

You asked some questions for clarification
And you “hmmm’d” and “umm’d” in consternation
But we got the problem stated clearly, much to my gratification

You voiced a bit of life’s-hard-lessons reason
And threw in some light-hearted stuff to keep it fun
Not to be rude – but let’s get to it, please, say your advice and be done

Oh. Now you’re stating the obvious
And re-stating the facts is good, but in all fairness,
I’m afraid I’ll soon be tactless, vicious and ruthless

Why did I call you to get your advice?
I already had a plan, and my plan will suffice
You’re going to go from ‘sure I’ll help’ to ‘now, that wasn’t nice’

‘I know … yeah … yeah … I know … I know’
How tightly clenched can my jaw go?
Count to ten, self, find your inner calm and just … breathe … slow …

Finally, your thoughts are laid out there
Said with lots of thought and care
While my look burns a hole at whatever I fix my stare

I’m sorry, yes, thank you, you’re right
But remember – personal problems are heavy, another person’s are light
And I may appreciate your words when the problem’s end is in sight

I called for your two cents, but I got ten
Now I’ve got my original problem, plus a side of aggravation
But you know what – I’ll still be calling you again

On a personal note: Thanks mom (for reading the haikus and the compliment) and cousin G Pat (for being awesome)!

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Du Jour of the Week

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