The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘challenge’

DumbFunnery’s Guide to Accomplishing Nothing

Written on my dear, comfortable couch on Sunday around lunch time while my dear wife is finishing up some “toasty turkeys” (turkey sandwiches that are thrown in the toaster oven for a bit to melt the cheese).

Step 1: Sit on a couch next to your spouse (or someone)

Step 2: That someone is watching a show you don’t care about but it’s stupid reality TV which is addicting and also it’s ridiculous and the comedy is hidden everywhere (the reactions, the phrasing, the heightened drama over small things, the catty talk, the way how in every episode someone says “this challenge is really personal to me” … I’m talking about Project Runway by the way)

Step 3: Sip coffee in the morning, sip water in the afternoon

Step 4: This is important: do ONE productive thing right off the bat in the morning (in my case, read some of a coding book or go for a long jog) … This enables you to feel like you’ve earned a little rest which turns into WHAT IT’S FIVE PM?! Well … what should we do for dinner? And then it’s time to watch NHL playoffs and whadya know, the day’s done, just push those to do list items til tomorrow

Step 5: Gotta go, they’re about to kick off someone

What Have I Done? / Bucket List of Sorts

A few weekends ago I drove up to Dallas to see my Alma Mater, SMU, lose to stinking dirtbag pirates, Navy. I was not pleased with the results of the game.

I went to Dallas with a friend of mine, who I will call Rainbow Speak. (He’s a very happy dude – Rainbow Speak is his nickname. He was also known as Specialist Smooches at the Warrior Dash.)

On the drive Rainbow Speak and I decided to come up with a list of goals for the next year. A to-do list or bucket list. It starts today (December 1) and goes to December 31 of 2012. At first we were going to accomplish EVERYTHING. But the drive was four hours long, so we just kept adding to it. Now it’s a list of things … that … are there. We’ll see how it goes.

For a lot of them we want to grab a group of people to do them. Some of them are individual.

As I accomplish each one I’ll blog about it. Some can be doubled up – like if I go on a camping trip, I may hike a canyon, so that’s a twofer.

This list has some ridiculous items. Prepare to make fun of me. Here we go. (I may edit it to organize it later … for now I’m lazy.)

The List

Sunrise related event
Milk a cow (That’s right – milk a cow)
Challenge game on boys night out
Cavern/canyon hike
3 camping trips (local/mountian) (One down)

1 big camping trip (big bend)
SxSW (or go here) (or here for music) (and lastly, here)
Evening museum event
Go to cabin
Aeros game
Dynamo game in new stadium
Scavenger hunt/flash mob
1/mo dinner and board games/invite neighbors
Bike race/event and/or half Marathon (pretty pictures here)
2 kayaking /canoeing trips
comedy club /open Mic /storytelling (and here)
pino and Picasso (wine and paint)
big band night /lounge
Wild west learning /salsa
Arts show in the park (ex. bayou city arts festival)
Trip to Europe / overseas
Read 18 books / learn language (for Rainbow Speak) / 12 query letters (for me)
3 weird local road trips (ex. Texas prison museum)
Eat at local mom and pops on trips
3 jogs in local Parks / hikes /mountain bike rides
3 Houston museums (new)
Beer can house
6 flags
San Antonio / Dallas /Austin trips
3/wk workout
Do week-long challenges 1/mo
1 compliment to a stranger per wk
Fancy dinner / drinks night / rent hotel / dinner cruise
New Orleans trip
2-3 beach trips
Wakeboarding/ Waterskiing
Blue bell factory
Wine tasting
Moody gardens / zoo / botanical gardens
Cookoff / food tasting
10k and 5k
3 Volunteer events (habitat, dolphin saving)
2 themed pub crawls (1 down)
Ridiculous photo shoot
Eat at tapas , 6 new restaurants (house of pies)
Fewer lunches out
3 lectures
2 photo albums
Roller Derby
Random driving tours
3 stupid videos
Shooting range and fishing
Old ppls home (stories /volunteer)
Bed and bfast (girls required!)
Trail ride (girls required!)
Hot air balloon / glider
Pool party / grillout
2 alumni association events
Float guatalupe
Xmas cards / newsletter
Try different cultural festivals
Beach Olympics
Find cool magazines
Anime convention
TED talk
Ice skating

I feel like if I get a girlfriend, and she reads this, I’ll have a lot of questions to answer. For example, “are you gay?” and, “are you sure you’re not gay?”

DumbFunnery Doles with the Best, Part I

Dear DumbFunnery,

My girlfriend and I are debating taking our relationship to “the next step” and I’m not sure what she means. I mean, I think she might mean sex, that seems like the obvious thing. But she’s really never said more than “the next step.” I want to have sex, but I’m afraid it might mean marriage. Is it worth the risk?

Madly in Lust,
Des Moines, Iowa


Dear Madlust,

Holy cow dude. That is really personal. How am I supposed to know? And seriously, you’re writing about your sex life to a stranger? What a weird guy you are.

Hope this helps.


Dear DumbFunnery,

How do you tell someone you think they smell like cabbage, without coming across really mean?

Hates Cabbage
Sunshine, Alaska


Dear Cabbage,

This is such a classic problem I’m not even going to address it.

Next time give me a challenge.


Dear DumbFunnery,

ohm y God. im crying. i am hartbroken how do you get over the luv of your life?

lost wthout love


Dear … You,

With time.

On a lighter note – your letter conveys clearly that you are stupid.

All the best,


Dear DumbFunnery,

How do you go about deciding if what you’re doing is worth it? I enjoy what I do, but I feel like

sometimes I’m doing things just to please other people and not at all for myself. How do I even start

with trying to figure out what is best for myself, and others?

Confused and Trying


Dear C&T,

I’m not a doctor and this is a bit unorthodox but I think your lymph node is swollen. Please get it checked out soon.

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