The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Self Assessment

Recently I completed writing my “self-assessment” for work. For this I have to give examples of how I met particular goals that I wrote for myself for the year. Some of the goals are really vague and pushed down from … yes it’s cliche, corporate.

Here are some items I wrote that I ended up deciding not to use, because they may not positively impact my performance rating.

1

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Integrity.

2

I am a self-motivated worker, who takes the time to help others to also become more self-motivated. How do I do this? I walk around in their shoes for a mile. Literally. For this reason, my best working relationships are with guys who wear shoes that are my size or bigger.

3

Work is often about trying innovative ideas and seeing what sticks. In the past year, I have tried a number of great ideas that didn’t pan out, but I think they planted seeds that will grow into trees. One example of an idea was to have everyone provide instant feedback in the form of saying, “upvote,” “downvote,” or “mute.” Some great things came out of that, like the very well-written memos talking about a culture of respect.

4

Am I doing well at my job? Yes. Do I ask myself questions just to answer them? Absolutely. Is this what led to my being on a “self-directed team of one”? That can’t be determined. Will I ever get an audience to present what I have been working on? Seriously, will I?

Attn: Ellen (10/24/12)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres cats

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard cats

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I have this new tactic for dating which is pretty bold, but I think it’s a good way to quickly determine who is crazy.

I do something really weird, like bring a postcard like this and say, “I saw this and thought of you … maybe … us?” And then if the girl wants to leave right away or cut the date short I know she’s a keeper.

I’m still working out the kinks, but I’m optimistic.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Challenge Nation – Houston

On Sunday, October 14th, I participated in Challenge Nation – Houston, with two of my friends, French Fries and Mayo. It was a lot of fun. I would definitely recommend signing up for an event like this with some friends, if it comes to your city.

jumping photo sort of

You had to join up with another team and jump right as the photo was taken. We sort of got that right. Check out the intense concentration on some of these faces. You can tell we’re born athletes.

alley theatre

For this one we went to the Alley Theatre. We had to team up with random people to act out the type of building we were in front of (other options – symphony, opera, ballet). The random folks were fun, but the kid behind me got weirdly into it. Cheers to that guy?

act like a cop

Well … I have no idea what the pose is that I’m doing. We were supposed to pose with a cop, and act like cops … I guess I decided some sort of sassy (see: hand on hip), on the move (see: awkward squatting) pose was best.

stoned green bay fan

We had to take a picture with an out-of-towner, forming the shape of their state with our arms. We failed to do this. In our defense, I was distracted by how baked this dude and his friend were. The guy taking the picture was the Green Bay fan’s friend, and he took several pictures with me not in the shot. He said, “you’re not here” but didn’t think to move … Genius at work.