The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

My Zombie Roomy (10/30/12)

“Trick or treaaaaaat!”

CHOMP!

Tomorrow is going to be a big day for the Zombie. Careful when you open your door, you may be opening a buffet unknowingly.

No, I’m just kidding. I’m pretty sure the Zombie is a total ham (for example, see last year here or here) and loves to go around during Halloween ‘season’ and hear people say, “oh duuuude! That is an AWESOME costume!” Although if people get close, I would imagine they would then quickly add, in their head, “wow, you’re dedicated. You really do stink like death.”

To, in a sense, pre-treat this situation … I’ve been having the Zombie drink some of my laundry detergent. He’s Springtime Fresh … to death. Ah ha ha. So funny.

From the Zombie and I, happy Halloween!

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My Zombie Roomy

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Halloween Costumes to Make it Really Clear You’re Single and Looking

Tandem bike, but with no partner. Still too subtle? Try putting a sign on the other seat that says, “this seat open.”

Any costume at all, but stare far too long at any woman (or man) that walks by.

Get a piece of poster board and go as “Facebook.” Display your relationship status as SINGLE. Still too subtle? Have a bunch of wall postings that no one has liked, except other clearly single friends.

Any costume where your cat is dressed up as part of a themed outfit.

Kissing booth. Still too subtle? Have a sign offering to pay people to let you kiss them.

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Du Jour of the Week

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Questions NOT to Ask Before a First Date

“Do you have, like, a really good sense of smell?”

“How much do you worry about safety?”

“Do you talk with your friends a lot? Family? Basically, I’m just curious who knows about this date … Does anyone know that we’re going to meet up?”

“If you went on a first date with a guy and it went awesome, everything clicked, there was attraction … all that stuff!, but then it turns out he was married – would that bother you?”

“Do you like guys with cats?” (Have I talked about this already, maybe …)

“Hit and run is such a vague thing … like, seriously, answer me, what constitutes a ‘hit’?”

“Are you wearing your pink coat?, because I don’t really like that one.”

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Du Jour of the Week

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