The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumbfunnery’

Craigslist Missed Connections I Could See Myself Posting

I

We Had a Moment?? – m4w – 26

I was out jogging so I didn’t have my glasses on – but I couldn’t stop looking at you* and I think we had a moment?

*Assuming you are female. If you are not this is a total joke. Also get a haircut, your pony tail is misleading.

II

Hopefully you like shy guys… – m4w – 26

We were both at Some-Buddy’s Bar last night and I didn’t talk to you or really make much eye contact because I was playing coy. So … dang.

III

Undo Button … – m4w – 26

We met last night while standing in line at the grocery store and we were having an awesome little conversation and everything was great and I was about to ask for your number when I made that joke about if you had a more attractive sister.

The bagger laughed?? Does that count for anything?

Anyway – again, totally joking. We should hang out sometime? I’d love to meet your family? (Too soon to joke about this again? We’ll give it time …)

IV

Flirtatious Drool – m4w – 26

You told me I had an awesome t-shirt and I smiled and drooled a little ice cream.

We should meet up. But not for ice cream.

V

Silver Medal is Still Good? – m4w – 26

I went up to you and your group of friends and the four of us talked for like an hour. It was awesome. I felt like you were really digging me and I was definitely interested in you as well.

I also happened to be slightly interested in your friend. Who happened to have a very large boyfriend. So when I asked her to dance I meant as friends, because, you know, you’re clearly the coolest. I really wanted to dance with you, I just pitied your friend?

…This will make a great ‘how we met’ story??

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Du Jour of the Week

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World’s Best/Worst Boyfriend

One summer in college my girlfriend asked me to send her a nice picture. This is what I sent.

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Pictures

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Awkward Quick Hits

I went to a big meeting and asked a question which was not a question but really more of a complaint about the current setup for the project the meeting was about. Later that day I was walking to the bathroom, and from the other end of the hallway my boss’s boss was also walking there. He said, “you troublemaker!” I laughed and went in the bathroom. Then he came in. We ended up sitting in stalls next to each other … I wanted to either undo  my being in the bathroom or shout, “HERE COMES TROUBLE!”

I was hanging out with a friend, along with her girlfriend and another friend of ours. My friend said something about liking chick-chick flicks. Then she asked if I knew what that meant. I assumed it meant a really girly chick flick, but then something about how she asked made me think – wait, “she’s talking about girl-on-girl porn??” Then, after I mentioned porn, she became embarrassed for me and explained that chick-chick flicks are a romance movie where the two characters who fall in love (not lust) are girls. Whoops.

I went out on the town with some friends and was introduced to friends of my friend with this – “This is Brad, he’s a really crazy dancer.” The response from one guy was, “I can tell by his bone structure!” Later the three of us walked over to a group of girls to try and muster up the courage to talk to them (I talk a big game and say ‘let’s do it!’ then I chicken out). While we’re standing there a girl came up and asked if we had a lighter for her cigarette. We said no, then the friend-of-friend said, “this guy’s dance moves will light a fire though!” Then the two friends and the girl stared at me. I stared back – too much pressure! – and did nothing.  (But that line of his still cracks me up.)

And I’ll end with a brag – I was very proud of this little joke of mine. Two friends of mine and I headed to lunch one day, and when we arrived we got out of the car. There was a construction site nearby and a man was banging something metallic on something else metallic. I said, “that is the worst steel drum band I have ever heard!” (Actually I said that’s the worst Jamaican band I’ve ever heard – but I’ve revised the joke now that I have time and can remember what I intended to say.)

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Weekly Wacko

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