The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Ellen DeGeneres’

Attn: Ellen (5/16/12)

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Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I’m getting back into working out now. I had to take a break after the MS150.

Sometimes I think the best part of being a super hero would be that you’d always be fit. Form-fitting colorful spandex should clearly be limited to fat cats and super heroes.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. Actually I just thought of a great idea! If you want to be a good actor/actress – perform your role in spandex first. If you can “emote” in spandex, you can do anything.

Why am I sending these postcards?

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Attn: Ellen

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Attn: Ellen (5/9/12)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here’s my crack at the guy’s internal monologue:

“Man, she’s hot … Except maybe too literally … Yep, the ability to light yourself on fire is a con … But she called me handsome!! … Eh, she did kill those kids … But she owns a lot of form-fitting clothes!! …”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. Will they go on a third date!? Yes. Yes they will.

Why am I sending these postcards?

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Attn: Ellen (5/2/12)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This is the famous scene where Joe finally found out about birth control.

Joe, crushed, said with exasperation, “but it’s the only thing I’m good at! … well that and pulling off this red sash.”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. I guess I should explain when I first saw this painting I pretended red sash guy was saying “look what I made!” and gesturing to the room.

Why am I sending these postcards?

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Attn: Ellen

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