The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘fun’

Dad Jokes for Different Occupations

This morning Rainbow Speak and I (along with many others) volunteered for Habitat for Humanity. He and I ended up on the roof (sort of roof, it wasn’t complete) hammering … something. I forget what. From 8 to noon though we hammered away at whatever it was. Occasionally he’d say, nails in mouth, “this is a real nail-biter up here.” Terrible dad-joke. Which led me to this post. I apologize everyone, blame Rainbow Speak.

 

Carpenter (after being asked how was your day?): It was another nail-biter!

Pilot (after telling one joke while approaching the runway): I guess you could say we’re coming in a little funny.

Dentist (in fake sad voice): Bad news … it turns out I can’t handle the tooth.

Army (specifally if you’re named Joseph): GI Joe? When will they get my letters!? It’s JoSEPH. GI JoSEPH.

Rocket Scientist: Another tough day of work … Sometimes problems can be so difficult, but I just have to remind myself, “well it’s not rocket science, you can do this,” …….. oh wait …

Archaeologist: What tragedy is this I see! We get here and the place is already in ruins!?

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Du Jour of the Week

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The Ice Cream Plight

Ice cream, oh ice cream
It is of you I now dream
Ice cream which would give such delight!
But ice cream that requires moving off my couch tonight

Past self, at the grocery store,
“Bad eating habits? No more!”
You FOOL! You goon! You dummy.
A life … without ice cream … is not yummy.

And so, to the closest store I go
For overpriced chocolate chip cookie dough
At the grocery store soon after
I’ll think back with self-chiding laughter
“No, I ate too much ice cream that night.
“Cutting out sweets is definitely right.”

Yes, my friends, my foes
These are the ice cream woes
Take heed at the grocery store tonight!
Don’t think, just buy, avoid the Ice Cream Plight

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Du Jour of the Week

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Attn: Ellen (2/8/12)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

You ever have one of those weeks where you’re happily dancing on a could and then babies riding giant swords attack you?

Emotionally, I mean. Not literally.

…

Am I the only one that feels that way?

Sincerely weird,
DumbFunnery.com

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Attn: Ellen

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