The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘funny’

My Zombie Roomy (10/4/11)

Remember a while back when I mentioned how for the first time I saw the Zombie eat in my apartment? I had thought it might be bad. Turns out I was right.

I come back from my vacation and I notice two things. One, the Zombie appears to have gained forty pounds (maybe he stayed thin before because he didn’t have a good place to go eat?). And two, slightly more unsettling, there’s a part of a corpse on my kitchen table.

(On the plus side I finally found a use for the massive amounts of junk mail I get. I put it down so the Zombie won’t get the table bloody.)

It’s crazy how much weight he gained! I made a comment, which was rude of me, but I asked the Zombie when the baby was due and he appeared to not like the comment. I can tell you this with some amount of certainty because he ate part of my favorite Playstation 3 game, and he knew exactly what he was doing.

I apologized and he left.

Attn: Ellen (9/28/11)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

You ever feel like a tiny man in a tux with a giant Asian woman staring at you skeptically/with disappointment?

… Or is that just me?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. Who wants a strawberry/heart? (What IS that thing??)

Attn: Ellen (9/21/11)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

Florida apparently doesn’t have many stars, and the ones they can see are very pro-Florida.

This is the least pretty postcard … but I’ll look for one to beat it.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com