The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘halloween’

Halloween Costumes to Make it Really Clear You’re Single and Looking

Tandem bike, but with no partner. Still too subtle? Try putting a sign on the other seat that says, “this seat open.”

Any costume at all, but stare far too long at any woman (or man) that walks by.

Get a piece of poster board and go as “Facebook.” Display your relationship status as SINGLE. Still too subtle? Have a bunch of wall postings that no one has liked, except other clearly single friends.

Any costume where your cat is dressed up as part of a themed outfit.

Kissing booth. Still too subtle? Have a sign offering to pay people to let you kiss them.

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Du Jour of the Week

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Stupid Halloween Costume Ideas for … A Couple, With a Dog

Recently I saw my friend Barry at an awesome Houston event, Grown-Up Story Time. (People submit stories, other people read them, you drink a beer, you chill, you laugh, la la lovely.)

After the event, Barry informed me of her and her boyfriend’s Halloween costumes. She’s going to a party with the theme, “A Night in Tijuana” and their costumes will be that the boyfriend is a cowboy, and she is a giant pistol. They’re odd, which is why I like them.

I suggested, because I have a dumb sense of humor, that her dog be a giant shell from a gun. Her boyfriend could pick her up, pretend to shoot, and she would chuck the dog to the floor like a discarded shell. Brilliant addition to that plan, right?

I don’t have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, or dog, but I do have free time. So I took the liberty of informing Barry of other stupid Halloween costume ideas for the three of them. I’ll start with boring, and go quickly to weird …

The dog: A hot dog (clever)
Barry: Ketchup
The boyfriend: Mustard

The dog: A giant joint
Barry: Cheech
The boyfriend: Chong

The dog: Spiderman’s web spray
Barry: Mary Jane
The boyfriend: Spiderman (Just because it’s funny to me to picture him randomly tossing the dog as though he’s web slinging)

The dog: An orca
Barry: Free spirit activist
The boyfriend: A native American hunter

And to still have one with “classic” slutty Halloween costumes …

The Dog: Naughty bodily expulsion (Grosssss)
Barry: Naughty nurse
The Boyfriend: Naughty Doctor

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Du Jour of the Week

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My Zombie Roomy (11/17/11)

Well, Halloween has past.

Something happened on the Sunday before Halloween which I have been dealing with the past few weeks.

I tried dealing with it in a lot of ways. Acceptance, tribute, sadness, guilt. But ultimately denial and alcohol seemed to be most appropriate.

There was a girl I liked. She was very leggy. And very vavoom. How vavoom you ask? She went as Jessica Rabbit. THAT vavoom.

I was trying to charm her with my utter lack of charm (my non-game game as a friend put it), when suddenly she seemed distracted. Someone else in the bar had caught her eye. I knew I was cooked, and I’m a proud guy, so I politely ended our conversation.

Later that night, I saw her in the parking lot trying to flirt with the Zombie. I guess she goes more for the silent type (which I am most definitely not).

This is still a little harsh. It’s not easy to swallow being passed up for an undead cannibal. But hey, everybody finds somebody sometime, right Dino?

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My Zombie Roomy

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