The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

“So … That’s a No?”

“Corruption and envy and lust for power. Cruelty and coldness. A vicious, probing curiosity. Pure, poisonous, toxic malice. You have never from your earliest years shown a shred of compassion or sympathy or kindness without calculating how it would return to your advantage. You have tortured and killed without regret or hesitation; you have betrayed and intrigued and gloried in your treachery. You are a cesspit of moral filth.”

– The Amber Spyglass, by Philip Pullman

When I read this I thought, woah, that’s some insult. Then I imagined myself memorizing this phrase, or having it handy for when I get a call from a salesperson.

“We noticed you’re not currently getting … Would you like to embrace this opportunity to make yourself a better person by paying us money?”
I respond with that crazy thing. Maybe leaving out the part about murder and torture, maybe not.
“So … That’s a no?”

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Du Jour of the Week

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Attn: Ellen (1/8/14)

Front

Ellen151a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen151b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I bet if I was a horse and going to my first day of horse high school and I saw other horses and I said “hey” some bully horse would say “horses eat hay!” I’d probably try to have a quick response like, “that joke is stale-ion … like stallion …”

This hypothetical horse high school would be tough for me.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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Action Movie Theme Park

On Christmas my dad and I watched Hot Fuzz, an action/comedy that pokes fun of classic action movie scenes and themes while having those same things. It’s a pretty good flick if you haven’t seen it.

In the movie one of the characters is jealous of another who has gotten to do some classic action movie scene things.

This got me thinking … Wouldn’t I also like to do some of these things? Not in a life or death situation, of course, but in a fun-loving, shooting a gun while driving a car sort of way.

Here are some of the featured “rides” at this park!:

  • Shooting a gun at targets along a set path while someone else drives (or, more likely, the car is automated)
  • Shooting a gun while rolling around on the ground
  • Being chased (or chasing someone) through a simulated crowded airport (or mall, or crowded city street)
  • And much more!!!

Before you think, “this is ridiculous. It sounds insanely dangerous, and if it actually came to be it would be super expensive” … I want you to consider this: This is a real website:

http://www.texasexotichunting.net/africangame.html

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