The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

Another Day at the Job

There are a lot of jobs out there that are tough, and I think every job can be tough on some days. No matter how cushy the job may seem, I am sure there are times when it is rough.

For example – the music clip person at a sporting event.

If we are talking about football you might be tempted to think they just have ten buttons in front of them and they play one of their go to songs at random.

But what if the music clip person was working for, say, this past years Houston Texans who fell far short of expectations and disappointed fans with a 2-14 season. Ouch. Suddenly your job just got a lot tougher.

You’re losing to … who cares … there’s still the whole fourth quarter to go and you have a first down for your defense (after your offense had a three and out). What do you play to amp up the crowd during the TV timeout? It’s crunch time, you need to use your brain, sound person!

Do you jump the gun, use false hopes and play the “THIIIIIIIRD DOWWWWWWWN!” clip? Maybe.
“All I Do is Win”? Eh … Best not to, given the score.
“Everybody Clap Your Hands”? Hmm. It’s already been played twenty-seven times this game.
Time to get crazy. Let’s go with …

What, too honest?

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Du Jour of the Week

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Attn: Ellen (1/15/14)

Front

Ellen153a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 Ellen153b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think, in the animal community, the song ‘Baby Elephant Walk’ is a source of pride or shame for baby elephants?

I could see it going either way.

“Hey this song is for me! … Wait, is that what you think when you see me walk? Am I that goofy looking?”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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Baby Comedy Routine

Hey folks, how are we all doing tonight? Good?

Ok, ok …

So listen, a few months ago, before I was born, I remember saying, “hey, lady, mother figure, am I right?, I’m like, hey, can’t a guy get a little more WOMB in here?”

No, but seriously, that place she had me staying was awful. It was cramped. It was warm. The food was like paste. It reminds me of a hotel where I stayed in JERSEY. OHHHH. Just kidding, just kidding, New Jersey’s great, I’ve got family out there.

I hope they STAY there!

Heyyyy! Come on! We’re all friends here, ok? Ok.

Anyway back when I was still in the womb, the hotel womb, right, so I would practice my set. Practice, practice, practice, right? But here’s the thing – management there was tough. I remember I started, day 1, and all I did was WORK. You know my first water break was NINE MONTHS into the job.

I’m kidding of course. I loved it there.

So uh … Tough crowd … This room’s gonna need a diaper change.

(Drops mic, exits stage via someone coming out and picking him up and carrying him off)

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Du Jour of the Week

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