The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘humor’

Attn: Ellen (About)

It feels cheesy writing postcards asking/pleading/whatever-ing for help from a person I don’t know. Really it’s awkward asking a favor of anyone. But (and this is to console myself) – I’m sure people have helped me in the past without my asking for it, and people will again in the future. I enjoy being able to help people when I can (most of the time) and so … well, like I said … this paragraph is to console myself. Rambling makes me feel less like a cheese-ball?

(*Note – the stuff below is basically on the Page/Tab above in case you just want to check it out there.)

This idea has been in my head for a long while. I like the idea – so of course I was never happy with any approach I tried. But doing this has stayed on my to-do list and I finally decided to just go for it.

From day one of the blog a ‘joke’ I’ve had is the hope that an intern of Ellen’s will discover my blog, and convince Ellen to give it a chance. Then, because she’s super kind, she’ll give me a chance and introduce me to a literary agent (it worked for this 9 year old who’s more socially suave than I am, so why not for me?).

Anyhow – it’s a lovely thought to have that this will all work out in the end. And I can’t delude myself without feeding my delusions with new nonsense on the blog.

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Attn: Ellen

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De Jour of the Week (9/14/10)

I wrote this in my graphical user interface class in college. What a good student I am. Anyhow, now that I’m back at school hopefully I won’t be slacking off and writing nonsense like this …

Oh, and this is written from the perspective of my stomach. This was from a joke gone wrong. I said my stomach’s name is Seymour, then yelled, “FEEEEED ME SEYMOUR!” Then realized my mistake. Oh well, Seymour it is.

Also dig the reference to Keystone Light. YES!

Seymour (My Stomach’s Name)

“No one pays attention to me!”
I say loudly with a scowl,
Trust me on the volume of my growl.
It’s not my choice, I didn’t want this to be!

I’d much rather be a calf, an elbow or toes.
I didn’t make this decision, it’s just how it goes.

I’m embarrassed, don’t look, I’m going to flee!
Just get me a sandwich, a cracker, a crumb!
You know that I know you’re not really that dumb.
“I’ll show you!”, I say, forcefully.

Don’t pat me, you fool, I can never be soothed!
I’m telling you! Begging you! Give me some food!

At last! My wish is heard! I know nothing but glee!
We’re here at the fridge, what’s in it, I wonder?
Dos Equis? Michelob? Keysone? What blunder!
Ah ha, at the top! What’s that I see?

Moon pies, cereal and jalapeno bread?
I’m in Heaven, it’s true. I can be fed!

“Someone has finally paid attention to me!”
That’s what that growl meant, a kind thank you,
Now we can sit, relax, and maybe nap too.
“Oh, wait, uh oh” I realize terribly,

I wasn’t even hungry, I feel so childish…
Say! What’s in that covered dish?

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Du Jour of the Week

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Almost Too Much Awesome to Contain?

I noticed Michael Ian Black’s very bizarre twitter background (@michaelianblack) and I thought … I needs me one of those.

SO on this very fine day with clearly too much free time I attacked this project.

This past weekend I went to San Antonio (where the birds are feisty). The girlfriend unit and I were hanging out and she went to take a picture of me, and at the same time someone came up behind me – so I was looking in his direction.

We also went to the zoo and I took some pictures of a jaguar. Why a jaguar? Because they’re really awesome. In fact, many people have said I am quite like a jaguar (pssst that statement is a lie, see here). Anyhow – rad jaguar picture:

Then I thought, what about a background? Here we have a lovely picture I took when my mom and I drove to the Grand Canyon:

So what do we get? Check it out @haikustanley … or just look below:

Thank goodness for Fridays – or crap like this wouldn’t exist.

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Pictures

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