The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for August, 2014

Gaining Wisdom with Age

Soon I will be 30. THIRTY! Pretty crazy, eh past self?

You bet, hoss.

I remember way back when, using a bathroom and making silly faces in the mirror while I washed my hands, and then trying to transition quickly to a ‘thinking really hard’ face when someone else walks in the bathroom, and then starting to laugh to myself because I totally tricked that dude who just walked in the bathroom and oh no now I’m laughing out loud and then ANOTHER person comes in the bathroom and … Well, I’m just glad that’s in the past. I’ll be 30 soon!

That happened earlier today.

Yeah but it won’t happen when I’m THIRTY and an adult!

Eh. We’ll see.

Past self – how come you seem smarter than me?

Sorry. Tell me more things that’ll change with you being thirty.

Well, I think I’ll start subscribing to the local paper.

Oh cool, big papier-mâché project in mind?

No, to be informed! To read the news and … know stuff.

Oh yeah, hey, past self from when you turned 25 you should join this conversation.

Hey fellas, what’s up?!

Current self thinks he’s going to subscribe to the paper to be well informed and have opinions on the community and such.

Oh yeah, opinions on the community! Good one! Also maybe check out a garage sale or estate sale to pick up some weird local stuff.

Oh cool! I’m going to do the same any day now!

… Hey … Wait … 25 year old self … You’re also about to start reading the paper and …

Yeah most definitely!

Dang it generic past self, you’re an a-hole. Are you trying to show me that I haven’t mentally evolved at all from the time I was 25 til now?

No, not at all. You have really fast internet now.

I AM EVOLVED!

Attn: Ellen (8/13/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Is it just me, or does this statue of Lincoln have the exact same expression as my dad has when I ask him in a sing-song voice, “who wants a hug?”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Corporate Brad Announcement

This past week I had a breakthrough event in the life of my corporate mind: I was an a-hole to an intern. Sorta.

The area where my co-workers and I work is going to be moving into a smaller space so people need to take a good look at any and all papers they have. Some co-workers even have filing cabinets worth of papers. And in some common areas there are filing cabinets. I was standing in a common area looking at one with another co-worker when I said, “aren’t the interns back? Can’t we just have one of them scan all this just in case before recycling it?”

Wait – WHAT?! Did I just casually say ‘make the interns do the work everyone hates?’ And not just assigning work to interns because it’s boring stuff, but assigning it to faceless interns because I haven’t met any of them. (One summer my friends and I befriended the interns and tried to be nice to them. At the time I thought ‘am I a weird older guy trying to be cool in front of young people?’ This summer I haven’t even bothered introducing myself to the interns because I’m afraid they would look at me and think ‘ew, why’s that old dude talking to us. Did he just make a joke about how he used to play with a ‘yolo’ but could never figure out how to walk the dog? Was it even a joke? Or does he think yo-yos are called yolos? Ugh. Let’s leave.’)

Anywho … There you have it. Continuing my slow march toward being 100% corporate entity. Say, have you checked out those benefits, boy, and how about this weather, oh what’s that, sure sure the corner office. (Psst. That’s my example of being 100% corporate.)

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Want the history of “Corporate Brad?” Sure, have at it …