Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
I bet if human-eating giants from another planet came to Earth and ate people on giant hot dog buns there would be a moment of comfort because a giant hot dog would probably be pretty comfy.
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
Abraham Lincoln was struggling
He famously could not tell a lie
Under his breath he was muttering
‘Is this person a girl or a guy?’
The president was standing in a line
Shaking hands and greeting everyone
He eyed the person while sipping wine
He fervently wished this event was done
One person left before it was game time
A simple sir or ma’am had gotten complicated
Lincoln thought wouldn’t a trapdoor be sublime?
Turns out interacting with people is over-rated
Lincoln stuck out his hand, his eyes searching
Hoping for the slightest sign of him or her
Finding nothing, the decision looming
He gives a noncommittal “heya, slugger”
Hello dear avid readers, how are you today? It’s time again for … “I Know You’re Not a Doctor, But …”
As some of you are I’m sure aware, people like to ask me for medical advice a lot. I always try my best to answer their questions and I thought I’d share some of the past few questions I’ve received and my answers with everyone.
And remember, for medical questions, just shoot me an email at DumbFunnery@gmail.com, post a comment, try Twitter @DumbFunnery, or Facebook on the DumbFunnery page. My God I’m incredibly available to reach. You might be tempted to think I’m making up the idea of people ever writing in to ask questions, but that’s just silly.
On to the very real questions!
I drink a ton of Mountain Dew, so, like, since that kills sperm count do I even need to wear a condom?
Nope! And even better news, you can spend that money you would’ve used on condoms to buy MORE Mountain Dew to ensure that those pesky sperm are really super duper dead.
I’m going to be traveling soon and it says I should get a malaria vaccination if I can’t avoid mosquito bites. That seems pretty impossible. Or is there some secret I don’t know?
There are probably a lot of secrets you don’t know, but for now we’ll focus on the mosquito issue because that’s easier to answer.
There are a lot of great options out there when it comes to avoiding mosquito bites. Personally, I like to travel wrapped in a series of trash bags, completing the outfit with a long sleeve shirt and gloves, and a bee keepers helmet. One time cost of a bee keeper helmet vs one malaria shot every few years? Seems like a pretty simple decision to me.
(From the CDC’s site about Colombia, it says “When traveling in Colombia, you should avoid mosquito bites to prevent malaria.”)
A co-worker told me at a meeting that he wants to talk to me about STDs. What should I do?
First of all, I hope you are looking seriously at what you are including when you are coding. If you don’t need everything within the C++ Standard Library then you could consider specifying those things which you do need. For example, std::cout rather than including the catchall “using namespace std” which would then allow you to just have “cout.”
Also, as we all know, be sure to wear protection and have serious medical talks with your partner(s) before writing code or having sex.
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For more of my expert medical advice, check part I!
DumbFunnery 