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Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
I bet if there was an actual creature called a ‘snuggle monster’ it would be covered in fur and very strong. Also, like a boa constrictor, it would kills its meals by constricting them – except the snuggle monster would make this look adorable.
The meal’s last thought would be “You like me! You REALLY like me!”
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery
Dear Mr. Jean Claude,
Recently my son turned 11 and a friend of his mentioned a movie of yours. My son is now dying to see this movie but I cannot allow this because in my family we do not engage in using profanity. I think it is foul, crude, and shows a lack of education.
I am writing, as a parent, to respectfully ask you to change your name to something more sensible and re-release your movies under your new name.
Here are some name suggestions:
Jean Claude van Darn
Jean Claude van Dadgummit
Jean Claude van Oh Golly
Thank you in advance,
Joe Watkins
Dear Mr. Watkins,
Thanks for your letter.
Doug – I cc’d you on this for a reason. Think you could write up a script where I’m the parent of a daughter in college and I wear tight jeans and high-kick over protective parents in the face? I don’t know, something about their overprotectiveness threatens my daughter’s life or something.
Thanks for the idea Mr. Watkins.
Respectfully,
Jean Claude van Damme No-He-Didn’t-Oh-Yes-He-Did
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Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is
Dear Ellen,
Can you imagine the impact it would have if instead of people buying colorful napkins and paper plates and mini-flags and just the right clothes people instead put the money for 4th of July decorations squarely to the national debt?
…But those red, white & blue socks are awfully cool …
Sincerely,
DumbFunnery OR
@DumbFunnery
DumbFunnery 