The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Poem’

How to Deal with Criminals – Poetry Style

Sometimes crime happens. And a criminals worst nightmare might by a little poetry. Memorize these, they could save you some grief.

I

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If I put down my gun
So should you

II

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
No, because summer never stole my favorite shoes.
Please give them back.

III

Sweet as a cookie,
Sharp as a tack.
My car was not bought
To experience carjack.

IV

O captain, my captain
Where is my watch?
Seriously … who took my watch.

V

The devil dances
And dines
And devours
The unwary travelers of life
You’re not the devil
But you come close with that knife

VI

What is life?
What is the purpose for all of this strife?
Who are we?
Please, anonymous hacker, un-steal my identity?

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Du Jour of the Week

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100% Irrelevant, 110% Analysis

There’s this little problem
Well it’s not little but slim
I can’t just speak on a whim
Oh now I’m being dim.

But onward!
Outward!
Forward!
Well not forward, I’d hate to be untoward.

My problem is analysis
To the point of, yes, paralysis
The more fruitless
The more endless
With no hope of definitive, conclusive bliss

When she said bye –
Why didn’t she say good bye?
Was it a shot on the sly?
Or am I guess-who-really-needs-a-hobby guy?

Look! What’s that on the horizon?
A problem that could use some serious surmisin’?
Well, isn’t this surprisin’?
I already made the decision – and it can’t be undone.

So I ask you, please make my decisions life or death,
Or I’ll just think them to death.

***

I do nerd-engineering stuff so I’ve heard the phrase ‘analysis-paralysis’ a number of times. But I met someone who hadn’t heard that phrase, so in case you haven’t, I just made you that much dorkier.

Also, I really do over-think things I don’t need to quite a bit, so I’m going to hit this topic again for a poem and next time try to make it good.

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Du Jour of the Week

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An Ode to the Non-Review

I posted a challenge here which Dear Mr. Hendrik won hands down. And not just because he was the only person who responded (although that didn’t hurt his odds).

Here’s the challenge:

“My challenge to you, dear reader(s) – come up with an innuendo phrase that involves socioeconomic. The winner of the challenge will get a very crappy poem written to/about/for them. The poem will probably not make sense, but it will rhyme.”

So without further ado!,

An Ode to the Non-Review

Don’t fall for the trick
Of Mr. T.S. Hendrik
And foolishly misconstrue
The “Non”-Review

If I want my dose snark
With a side of review
Or a cat with a caustic remark
I turn to the “Non”-Review

There’s nothing non about his reviews
He’s looking up movies you haven’t seen while you snooze

But what IS The Non-Review?
(If you don’t already) It’s time you knew:

It’s the land of the 7 Word Weekend Skewer
The land of Pete, the large-toothed ne’er doer
The land of the numerically-oriented (Just the facts, ma’am) reviewer
And, lest we should forget, Wilfred Brimley’s never been bluer …

So congratulations to T.S.
Who keeps his fans coming back saying “yes”
Here’s to more Non-Reviews
Something-something, rhyme-aroos

I felt the need for gibberish to end, because I promised that it would rhyme, not that it would make sense.

Want a crappy poem written about you or your blog, or your imaginary cat? Let me know … I may get around to it, if you’re cool enough.

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Du Jour of the Week

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