The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Awkward’

Thank You?, No, Thank Me

My freshman year of college I was walking downstairs in my dorm to put some laundry in. I had the basket, so it wasn’t very easy walking. At the bottom of the stairs was a large, heavy door that was always closed for fire safety.

A guy was walking a number of steps in front of me – he was just past the distance where you go through the internal debate of ‘should I hold the door for the person behind me?’ Except, I was carrying a bulky object, which extends the time you should wait to hold the door.

The guy decided that he was far enough away, or a big enough punk, to not feel the need to hold the door for me. He walked on through, and the door began to close.

I would’ve preferred that not to have been the case, so I decided the appropriate thing to do would be a sarcastic thanks. I was by myself, but that only seems to encourage my desire to make stupid jokes.

“Thanks,” I said out loud, with a cheesy grin and exaggerated wink.

That’s when the guy, the saint, came back, with the purpose of holding the door for me realizing I could use the help.

We both stopped and stared – I had the presence of mind to un-wink, and slowly go from cheesy sarcastic smile to awkward, what to do … what to do … smile.

Eventually he backed up and let the door close behind him. I decided to wait a bit before doing my laundry.

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Weekly Wacko

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Awkward Quick Hits

I went to a big meeting and asked a question which was not a question but really more of a complaint about the current setup for the project the meeting was about. Later that day I was walking to the bathroom, and from the other end of the hallway my boss’s boss was also walking there. He said, “you troublemaker!” I laughed and went in the bathroom. Then he came in. We ended up sitting in stalls next to each other … I wanted to either undo  my being in the bathroom or shout, “HERE COMES TROUBLE!”

I was hanging out with a friend, along with her girlfriend and another friend of ours. My friend said something about liking chick-chick flicks. Then she asked if I knew what that meant. I assumed it meant a really girly chick flick, but then something about how she asked made me think – wait, “she’s talking about girl-on-girl porn??” Then, after I mentioned porn, she became embarrassed for me and explained that chick-chick flicks are a romance movie where the two characters who fall in love (not lust) are girls. Whoops.

I went out on the town with some friends and was introduced to friends of my friend with this – “This is Brad, he’s a really crazy dancer.” The response from one guy was, “I can tell by his bone structure!” Later the three of us walked over to a group of girls to try and muster up the courage to talk to them (I talk a big game and say ‘let’s do it!’ then I chicken out). While we’re standing there a girl came up and asked if we had a lighter for her cigarette. We said no, then the friend-of-friend said, “this guy’s dance moves will light a fire though!” Then the two friends and the girl stared at me. I stared back – too much pressure! – and did nothing.  (But that line of his still cracks me up.)

And I’ll end with a brag – I was very proud of this little joke of mine. Two friends of mine and I headed to lunch one day, and when we arrived we got out of the car. There was a construction site nearby and a man was banging something metallic on something else metallic. I said, “that is the worst steel drum band I have ever heard!” (Actually I said that’s the worst Jamaican band I’ve ever heard – but I’ve revised the joke now that I have time and can remember what I intended to say.)

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Weekly Wacko

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Attn: Ellen (8/3/11)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

When I see a girl who I am attracted to I become very awkward. It’s unfortunate. I become awkward, and I create situations that look and feel strange.

If only there was some photograph that could depict how weird/awkward I am.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

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Attn: Ellen

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