The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

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Fill in the Blank – Battlefield 3 Style

I have been playing a fair amount of Battlefield 3 lately. It is a video game where you run around and shoot other players (or the AI if you’re doing single player). Unless you are me, in which case more often than not you are getting shot by other players.

The standard joke is that you are getting crushed by a bunch of thirteen year olds with too much free time. But, according to some articles the average gamer is older. (Common sense also says this … given that I’m a dude in his twenties who plays this game with co-workers.)

Losing in a video game can be frustrating – and my neighbors may think something insane is happening in my apartment. Here’s my guess of what they are thinking.

Me: “WHAT?! I TOTALLY SHOT YOU!”
Neighbor: “Good God, our neighbor is a psycho.”

Me: “HAHAHAHA DUUUUDE! I JUST CRASHED A JET INTO ONE OF THEIR TANKS!”
Neighbor: “Good God, our neighbor is a psycho.”

Me: “ARE YOU SERIOUS!? HOW DID I USE AN ENTIRE CLIP AND NOT HIT HIM ONCE!!!”
Neighbor: “Good God, our neighbor is a psycho.”

Me (just to mix things up): “THESE CUPCAKES I BAKED ARE DELICIOUS!”
Neighbor: “Good God, those cupcakes smell delicious.”

***

Curious why I waste my time playing video games? Sometimes I accidentally do something 1/10th this cool. That is still pretty dang cool.

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Weekly Wacko

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What Have I Done? / Bucket List of Sorts

A few weekends ago I drove up to Dallas to see my Alma Mater, SMU, lose to stinking dirtbag pirates, Navy. I was not pleased with the results of the game.

I went to Dallas with a friend of mine, who I will call Rainbow Speak. (He’s a very happy dude – Rainbow Speak is his nickname. He was also known as Specialist Smooches at the Warrior Dash.)

On the drive Rainbow Speak and I decided to come up with a list of goals for the next year. A to-do list or bucket list. It starts today (December 1) and goes to December 31 of 2012. At first we were going to accomplish EVERYTHING. But the drive was four hours long, so we just kept adding to it. Now it’s a list of things … that … are there. We’ll see how it goes.

For a lot of them we want to grab a group of people to do them. Some of them are individual.

As I accomplish each one I’ll blog about it. Some can be doubled up – like if I go on a camping trip, I may hike a canyon, so that’s a twofer.

This list has some ridiculous items. Prepare to make fun of me. Here we go. (I may edit it to organize it later … for now I’m lazy.)

The List

Sunrise related event
Milk a cow (That’s right – milk a cow)
Challenge game on boys night out
Cavern/canyon hike
3 camping trips (local/mountian) (One down)

1 big camping trip (big bend)
Renfest
Vegas
SxSW (or go here) (or here for music) (and lastly, here)
Evening museum event
Orchestra
Play
Opera
Go to cabin
Aeros game
Dynamo game in new stadium
Rockets
Texans
Astros
Scavenger hunt/flash mob
1/mo dinner and board games/invite neighbors
Bike race/event and/or half Marathon (pretty pictures here)
2 kayaking /canoeing trips
comedy club /open Mic /storytelling (and here)
pino and Picasso (wine and paint)
big band night /lounge
Wild west learning /salsa
Arts show in the park (ex. bayou city arts festival)
Trip to Europe / overseas
Read 18 books / learn language (for Rainbow Speak) / 12 query letters (for me)
3 weird local road trips (ex. Texas prison museum)
Observatory
Eat at local mom and pops on trips
3 jogs in local Parks / hikes /mountain bike rides
3 Houston museums (new)
Beer can house
6 flags
San Antonio / Dallas /Austin trips
3/wk workout
Do week-long challenges 1/mo
1 compliment to a stranger per wk
Fancy dinner / drinks night / rent hotel / dinner cruise
New Orleans trip
2-3 beach trips
Wakeboarding/ Waterskiing
Blue bell factory
Wine tasting
NBL
Moody gardens / zoo / botanical gardens
Rodeo
Cookoff / food tasting
10k and 5k
3 Volunteer events (habitat, dolphin saving)
2 themed pub crawls (1 down)
Ridiculous photo shoot
Eat at tapas , 6 new restaurants (house of pies)
Fewer lunches out
3 lectures
2 photo albums
Roller Derby
Random driving tours
3 stupid videos
Shooting range and fishing
Old ppls home (stories /volunteer)
Bed and bfast (girls required!)
Trail ride (girls required!)
Hot air balloon / glider
Pool party / grillout
2 alumni association events
Float guatalupe
Xmas cards / newsletter
Try different cultural festivals
Concert
Beach Olympics
Paintball
Find cool magazines
Anime convention
TED talk
Ice skating

I feel like if I get a girlfriend, and she reads this, I’ll have a lot of questions to answer. For example, “are you gay?” and, “are you sure you’re not gay?”

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Weekly Wacko

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What a Utility Bag

At the end of youth soccer leagues we would have a nice trophy presentation. This was a big deal for me, as I was convinced the more trophies I had the better I was. This was an ingrained FACT.

And, sorry, ribbons don’t count as trophies. A trophy is something you can throw and do damage with. Just ask a certain cousin of mine.

Growing up I played soccer, and in middle school and for half of high school I ran cross country. Soccer was my only source of trophies. (I only got ribbons for cross-country. Stupid ribbons.) I needed these trophies, too. They proved … something!

In the fourth grade, in my mind, I was a soccer wiz. I was the tops. The cat’s pajamas. The bees knees.

But, my growth in the soccer skills department stopped there. I kept getting older, but my body relished that fourth grade talent. Improve with age? I don’t think so. I’m good where I am.

Fortunately, when you play on youth soccer leagues no one can get cut.

I tended to sit at the start of games, but I got a pretty good amount of playing time, and I occasionally did something well (intentionally or not, it’s all about how nonchalant you act after something good happens).

The worst time of the year to have no talent was at the trophy presentation. That’s when it really hit home for me.

The coach would stand up and say a few words about the team, the season, the fun, the game! Yeah, we learned a lot from these talks (“pass me another slice,” “Brad, shhh!, your coach is talking!,” “…so do I not get another slice?”)

After the introductory remarks, the coach would announce a player’s name. That player would go to stand beside the coach and beam as the coach went on about their talents.

“Ben scored the most goals!”

“Tony was non-stop, he was always making a play!”

“Nobody could stop our goalie!”

But what if said player lacked in the talent field?

“Brad, come on up here! …” (He’s holding the trophy.) “Brad’s a real great kid.” (Just give me the trophy and let me get back to my pizza.) “We could put Brad in anywhere in the game, whenever we needed him.” (Wait … is that an insult or a compliment?) “He’s a great utility player!” (CRAP! It’s an insult.)

Utility!? Utility?!?!

My coach called me a tool.

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