The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Attn: Ellen (11/1/13)

Front

Ellen143a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 Ellen143b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I know you’re into scaring people so … feel free to add this to your scare tactics arsenal.

Really, what is creepier than this? Oh, a box full of 28 or 29 other postcards like this? Well, good news …

(Tune in some future week to revisit fear by doll photography.)

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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My Zombie Roomy (10/31/13)

You’d think I was a bad roommate, or at least oblivious, based on how little I’ve written about the Zomb. I don’t really have an excuse for the lack of updates … But I promise they will be coming soon (like Monday of next week). Yes, that’s right, Monday will have part 2 of the Great Zombino and I’s Smelly Brush With Death (at least my brush with death, seeing as how he is already fully coated in it).

Today I want to brag about myself though, and what an awesome roommate I am.

There is a drive in movie theatre not too terribly far from where I live and they are showing three horror movies tonight – a Halloween special. As a special gift to my buddy, my pal, we are going there tonight. He doesn’t know it yet but it’s true.

This is a gift for the Zombie for several reasons:

1) He doesn’t have to hide his stink or what he looks like – people will just think it’s a killer costume (Halloween is his favorite holiday, after all … see here, here, or here, oh or here …)

2) He gets to be admired for his amazing costume

3) (Most importantly) We get to wreck some dates! Awesome! The Zombino loves a good joke, so I am sure he will manage to sneak up on some unsuspecting promiscuous minded teenagers out to see some horror movies (Oh I’m so scared … Here I’ll hold you …) and he is going to foul up their plans with his impressive stench.

Happy Halloween everyone!

You would be absolutely right, on both accounts. But that’s for next week.

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My Zombie Roomy

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Last Minute Halloween Costumes

Oh no, Halloween is two days away and you’ve got nothing (or if you’re in college you have your fourth Halloween party coming up on Thursday – ugh I’m so sick of Halloween by now you guys, seriously another party?, fine whatever – and you can’t wear something you’ve already worn).

Fret not, I am here to help you.

First off, feel free to check out a past guide (which obviously became internet sensation):

 

Now for this year’s guide:

Last Minute Halloween Costumes

  • Be a Dick Tracy villain (one that I made up just now): Waffle Maker

    Other classic Dick Tracy villains (see, my idea is not so far fetched huh?)

    • His line whenever he offs someone he was paid to “quiet”?
      • “Prepare to meet your Maker …”
    • He then leaves behind a Waffle.
    • What should you wear?
      • Try something dressy and nice (so you look good), and carry around a waffle maker.
    • Want to go the extra mile?
      • Bring a waffle or two to whatever party you’re going to.

 

  • Be Venice Beach for Halloween!
    • Talk with a bad Italian accent
    • Be incredibly rude to everyone
    • Get it? Venice Beach.

 

  • Be a white basketball player!
    • Get one of those “Fun Dip” candy things
    • Whenever someone asks you what you are take the Fun Dip stick and try but continuously fail to get the stick in the sugar packet
    • It’s fairly obvious at this point that you “can’t dunk” so they should be able to connect the dots
    • Want to go the extra mile?
      • Wear workout clothes and carry a basketball (for anyone who isn’t so quick on the uptake like you and I)

 

  • Be a social grave digger!
    • Wear dark clothes
    • Carry a shovel
    • Say really awful or awkward or insulting things to people and then try to talk your way out of it unsuccessfully
    • Note: This costume may come more naturally for some people

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Du Jour of the Week

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