It’s crunch time for presents, That one person is left. Though crowds are full of tyrants … You can’t leave that one bereft.
(And pst, what’s with that one? The one you can never figure out, Leaving your to-do list undone That non-gift-inspiring lout.)
You head out to a nearby store Seeking gift idea motivation Oh, look, there’s something so-and-so would adore! But you’re set there, you think with aggravation.
Then you see a weirdly realistic looking cat shaped soap dispenser If it can’t be perfect – here’s a simple rule – go for tacky (The soap comes out of an orifice not associated with a cleanser) From me to you, I hope your holidays are delightfully wacky!
Gregg was walking home from school. He was distraught.
He had asked out a girl he liked and she had laughed at him. It wasn’t deliberate. She honestly thought he was joking. He couldn’t decide if that made it worse. If she had laughed in his face to be cruel, well, then he could be angry at her. But she laughed because she thought he was joking. The very idea of them going out was funny. Was he really that big of a loser in everyone’s eyes?
I need to find my mark, he thought to himself. I need something. She’s the best actress in the school. That a-hole friend of hers who laughed to be mean is the best soccer player. My best friend is crazy smart.
What am I? I’m nothing. I’ve got nothing. I need to have SOMETHING.
He realized he’d been standing at the sign for a while, the little white figure telling him it’s ok to walk. He self-consciously hurried across the street, not sure how long the ‘walk now’ sign had been there. Then he realized it may have just turned, so he was hurrying across the street for no reason, and felt more self-conscious than he already had.
He got to the sidewalk and hit the button to get the light to walk across the next street. Two cars were waiting at the red light. In the first car, a young, pretty girl was blasting a Madonna song, Material Girl.
In the second car an old man, apparently hard of hearing, was blaring talk radio.
Unexpectedly, Gregg’s move improved. The combination of Rush Limbaugh with Madonna was hysterical to him. ‘Girl Talk’ he thought to himself, imagining a combination of the two in some weird, ‘do we dance to this, or do we laugh’ mashup of the genres.
Suddenly, Gregg’s self-consciousness was gone. Thoughts of his rejection were dropped. His newfound passion consumed him. Run DMC with Johnny Cash? Why not, it could work. LL Cool J with a medley of a Dick Clark’s greatest hits mix? Sure.
Creativity, the panacea of the neurotic nerd.
Haven’t heard of Girl Talk? He does mash ups. Careful, there’s cursing.
DumbFunnery 