The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘funny’

My Zombie Roomy (9/15/11)

In light of my theoretically romantically involved Zombie roommate, I wanted to learn more about Zombie dating rituals.

I couldn’t find anything via, well, anything, so I turned to my (and everyone’s) favorite – fuzzy logic. I’ll use myself as the benchmark.

First, let’s take the facts.

I like food. The Zombie likes food.

I play video games or sports or watch movies when I’m bored. The Zombie stares listlessly. Or he eats humans.

When I’m upset I want to be alone (but really I also want people to reach out and try nice things). When the Zombie is upset he disappears for a few days (presumably to eat people).

When I like a girl I think about her and try (too hard) to be funny. When the Zombie likes a girl he gets batteries, sunglasses and condoms from Target.

See? Fuzzy logic! You’re with me, right?

Attn: Ellen (9/14/11)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Kisses are sweet
HOLY FU**ING SH**
THERE’S A FU**ING
TIGER!! RUN!!!!!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. Awww!

What My New Running Shoes are Saying