The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘fun’

Attn: Ellen (3/23/11)

Front


Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

What you see on this postcard if history! This was the first ever low-five.

“I’m happy … but I’m not that happy,” said Orlando Cepeda.

“Aw! I’m really happy!,” Juan Marichal responded. “I’m so happy I could high-five someone!”

“High-five!? Surely not! I can’t engage in such tom-foolery with this funk I’m in!”

“Well …”

Sometimes brilliance happens, and thankfully these guys low-fived in slow-motion for the photographer.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

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Attn: Ellen

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The First Thirty Thoughts I Would Have, In Order, If A UFO Landed in Front of Me

*Fwoosh – The Ship Appears*

1 – Holy crap.
2 – Dang!, wish I had my camera!
3 – Can I out-run my friends?
4 – What if they eat the fastest one of us?
5 – Can I out-run the aliens?
6 – Hopefully they won’t try and eat us.
7 – Dang I should’ve had that third doughnut!
8 – Nah they won’t kill us.
9 – I’m going to die and have wasted a doughnut!
10 – Oh man!
11 – What if they stink?
12 – What if they’re super intelligent.
13 – Incredibly kind.
14 – Can solve all our problems.
15 – But stink horribly?
16 – Does the UN have a stink-council?
17 – They will soon.
18 – I wonder what their language will sound like.
19 – What if they all sound like Ray Romano?
20 – Smelly, Ray Romano aliens.
21 – What if it turns out to be God, and He’s been cruising around and found a bunch of utopias and realized He should’ve spent, oh I don’t know, a week-and-a-half making us instead of a week.
22 – I should start to dance.
23 – “Welcome to Earth … check this out, it’s called ‘the white chocolate.'”
24 – If they land and probe me, I’m going to feel kinda bad for having laughed when I heard people saying that kind of thing.
25 – Although, it’s still kinda funny.
26 – Space Pervs! Hahaha. Sounds like a good spoof superhero flick.
27 – I should blog about that.
28 – Oh crap the door is opening …
29 – Is my last thought really going to be about blogging?
30 – Man I really wish I’d eaten that doughnut.

*Kablooey*

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Short Short Stories

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De Jour of the Week (3/21/11)

Expectoration’s on Expectations

There have been many mental simulations
Of achieving wonderful expectations
Oh, what lovely visualizations
Of heartfelt congratulations
And not a dash of “what next?”

You work hard at it
To make the goal reality and not a skit
The goal is here, it’s reached!, you’re a hit!
But only one phrase matters, to wit:
“What next?”

Catch your breath, wait a tick
There’s got to be some sort of trick
Is there an off-switch to flick?
Your expectations are a real dick
And this dick’s name-tag says: “Hi! My name is: WHAT NEXT?”

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Du Jour of the Week

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