Front
Back (apologies for my handwriting!)
The text of the postcard is:
Dear Ellen,
This is the 50th postcard!!
Is my dedication to this impressive or creepy? Why not both!
Say, want to have me on your show and introduce me to a literary agent? That’d be swell. I checked my calendar and it looks like I’m available ALWAYS.
Bluntly & Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
Remember a while back when I mentioned how for the first time I saw the Zombie eat in my apartment? I had thought it might be bad. Turns out I was right.
I come back from my vacation and I notice two things. One, the Zombie appears to have gained forty pounds (maybe he stayed thin before because he didn’t have a good place to go eat?). And two, slightly more unsettling, there’s a part of a corpse on my kitchen table.
(On the plus side I finally found a use for the massive amounts of junk mail I get. I put it down so the Zombie won’t get the table bloody.)
It’s crazy how much weight he gained! I made a comment, which was rude of me, but I asked the Zombie when the baby was due and he appeared to not like the comment. I can tell you this with some amount of certainty because he ate part of my favorite Playstation 3 game, and he knew exactly what he was doing.
I apologized and he left.
What a trip! What an adventure! When I get home I’m going to pull up Skype and talk to my rents. It’ll be nice. I think I may go ahead and record the stories I tell, so that when people at work come up to me (one at a time, mind you) and say, “how was the trip!?,” I can just play the recording.
Wait, why am I preemptively angry about this? I should still be in a chocolate-filled, booze-filled, you’re-so-pretty-it-hurts-me-and-makes-me-wish-I-had-better-than-20-20-vision-filled daze!
I am excited about the gifts I bought for my family.
For my brother – a post-it note with a drawing I did of me in front of a wall
For my sister – a packet of ketchup from Germany that says “ketchup” (they have the same word for ketchup! How zany is that!)
For my mom – a list of names that would be cooler than mine (Thor, AppleSauce, Lean Geraldine, etc)
For my dad – a shoe (unknown size, presumed female shoe based on the heel and pink polka dots)
The best part of the gifts is that I got/made all of them when I was really drunk.
DumbFunnery 