The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Du Jour of the Week’ Category

DumbFunnery Doles with the Best, Part I

Dear DumbFunnery,

My girlfriend and I are debating taking our relationship to “the next step” and I’m not sure what she means. I mean, I think she might mean sex, that seems like the obvious thing. But she’s really never said more than “the next step.” I want to have sex, but I’m afraid it might mean marriage. Is it worth the risk?

Madly in Lust,
Des Moines, Iowa

.

Dear Madlust,

Holy cow dude. That is really personal. How am I supposed to know? And seriously, you’re writing about your sex life to a stranger? What a weird guy you are.

Hope this helps.

.
.

Dear DumbFunnery,

How do you tell someone you think they smell like cabbage, without coming across really mean?

Hates Cabbage
Sunshine, Alaska

.

Dear Cabbage,

This is such a classic problem I’m not even going to address it.

Next time give me a challenge.

.
.

Dear DumbFunnery,

ohm y God. im crying. i am hartbroken how do you get over the luv of your life?

lost wthout love

.

Dear … You,

With time.

On a lighter note – your letter conveys clearly that you are stupid.

All the best,
Me

.
.

Dear DumbFunnery,

How do you go about deciding if what you’re doing is worth it? I enjoy what I do, but I feel like

sometimes I’m doing things just to please other people and not at all for myself. How do I even start

with trying to figure out what is best for myself, and others?

Confused and Trying

.

Dear C&T,

I’m not a doctor and this is a bit unorthodox but I think your lymph node is swollen. Please get it checked out soon.

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

Craigslist Missed Connections I Could See Myself Posting

I

We Had a Moment?? – m4w – 26

I was out jogging so I didn’t have my glasses on – but I couldn’t stop looking at you* and I think we had a moment?

*Assuming you are female. If you are not this is a total joke. Also get a haircut, your pony tail is misleading.

II

Hopefully you like shy guys… – m4w – 26

We were both at Some-Buddy’s Bar last night and I didn’t talk to you or really make much eye contact because I was playing coy. So … dang.

III

Undo Button … – m4w – 26

We met last night while standing in line at the grocery store and we were having an awesome little conversation and everything was great and I was about to ask for your number when I made that joke about if you had a more attractive sister.

The bagger laughed?? Does that count for anything?

Anyway – again, totally joking. We should hang out sometime? I’d love to meet your family? (Too soon to joke about this again? We’ll give it time …)

IV

Flirtatious Drool – m4w – 26

You told me I had an awesome t-shirt and I smiled and drooled a little ice cream.

We should meet up. But not for ice cream.

V

Silver Medal is Still Good? – m4w – 26

I went up to you and your group of friends and the four of us talked for like an hour. It was awesome. I felt like you were really digging me and I was definitely interested in you as well.

I also happened to be slightly interested in your friend. Who happened to have a very large boyfriend. So when I asked her to dance I meant as friends, because, you know, you’re clearly the coolest. I really wanted to dance with you, I just pitied your friend?

…This will make a great ‘how we met’ story??

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with:

How to Make a Keanu Reeves Worthy Plot

Pick a word for each of the following categories:

  • Energy source (i.e. gasoline, hydroelectric, solar, etc).
  • Synonym of hug.
  • Method of transportation.
  • Weather word (i.e. stormy, windy, sunny, etc).
  • Food item.
  • Blue collar job.
  • Nickname that you would call someone when you know that you should know their name but you forgot it (i.e. sport, buckaroo, buddy, etc).

Keanu Reeves stars in this summer’s BEST ACTION FLICK.

(Energy Source + Hug Synonym)

Keanu Reeves Stars as (nickname for person you should know) Jones, a nice guy who loves his (blue collar job) and his simple life. And then (food + weather word) comes along and DESTROYS HIS WORLD. With his world destroyed, (nickname) Jones turns to drinks. He is drinking himself into oblivion when he stumbles on the secret that (food + weather word) didn’t just happen on (nickname) Jones. He was chosen.

Drunkenly (nickname) Jones announces his intentions to stop the evil (food + weather word) to his favorite watering hole and heads home. When he wakes up in handcuffs next to Chesty “Heart of Gold” McBarback, another victim of (food + weather word)’s, you know it’s on. Now it’s up to (nickname) Jones and Chesty to get to the bottom of (food + weather word)’s scheme – without getting themselves killed.

Did we mention there will be exploding (method of transportation)? And Chesty, don’t forget about her.

Fin.

Post the fill in the blank words you picked! What do you think, Keanu?

Category:

Du Jour of the Week

Tagged with: